Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Dear future husband,
So it's almost Christmas and I hope you are having a wonderful holiday. Oh my goodness it just dawned on me you could be an elf! You could be Santa's son! I wonder if he and Mrs Claus had children?! If you're Santa's son hitch a ride on the sleigh this Christmas! What are you waiting for? I watched couples shopping together today and imagined what that will be like with you. My grandfather always found a bench to people watch while my grandmother and I shopped. I wonder if you'll be the same way. I've been baking holiday goodies and I imagine you sneaking in to grab a treat here and there....and maybe my baked goods too 😛. I plan to get out this weekend because I feel like you're tucked away in the crowds somewhere and I'm just never going to get to you if I don't get out of this house. Maybe this weekend is it. Maybe we will finally lock eyes for the first time. Maybe I will hear the name I will one day share. Whether it be this weekend or another 3 years from now I just know in my heart that when it happens there will be no question that we found each other. I get so frustrated and exhausted at the thought of dating and I know I can't be that way or I will never get to you. I just pray that God intervenes and sends you to me without me having to go trough everything I've gone through over the last few years. Sometimes I wonder if I saw your face via Skype for months while you were deployed. I wonder if that last call was the voice of my soulmate. I wonder if you're my angel waiting for me in heaven. God knows I've wondered if you were him many times. If that's so all I ask is for God to lay it on my heart and I will never love another man again. Sweetheart wherever you are and whoever you are just know I pray for you. My heart is full of joy and I'm not lonely. I have faith that when the time is right God will reveal you to me and until that moment just know I claim blessings over you. I pray that your days are filled with people who edify and guide you. I pray that you are surrounded by Christian friends and family who love you. I pray for God's protection over you day and night. I pray that you seek the Lord with all of your heart and prepare yourself to be the leader I know you are. I claim that you are highly favored and chosen. You are respectable and live a life of integrity. I love you.
Your future wife,
Saturday, November 28, 2015
So I know it's been a while and I was going to keep my prayer journal online and I still plan to do that. To be honest no pressing issues have come up to log into a prayer journal. I have just been thankful for my blessings. I really want to reserve it to show how God moves when we ask him for things or to move in our lives. It's no secret I do pray for my future husband daily. When I say I pray for him I am not praying that God will send him because I already know he's out there. I am praying for his needs and his happiness. I am praying for his family as they will be mine someday. I pray that he will be the role model that my boys deserve. I also pray for his heart. I pray that he isn't broken when he finds me. I pray that he will be emotionally available with no distance or timing issues to overcome.
As I read posts on social media I realize that dating has evolved into something that is so jaded. People are so guarded because they've been hurt. They want to love so bad it hurts them just as bad but they can't bring themselves to open up again. Some are so riddled with guilt they don't think they deserve to be loved. Others pretend to be guarded when they know all to well that they wear their hearts on their sleeve. It's a facade. The truth is whether our walls are real or fictitious they come crumbling down when the right one comes along. When I say "right" I don't necessarily mean "the one". I am generally speaking about people who enchant us. People who move us and fill us with hope whether we want it or not. We are helpless to it all. What happens when these people get too close? We start finding reasons to run. It's better to dig for it early on than wait for the disappointment when we are fully invested right? We have all been guilty.
I see posts from women who market themselves as strong independent ladies who "don't need a man just want one". They post their feminism political agendas. They shout gender equality. They want a man who is willing to do this or that because they think they're entitled to what they want in a man like anyone else is. I disagree with these women. I am opposed to the feminist movement. I think the feminist movement is one of the biggest culprits in the dating world today. Women want to be able to be slutty and sleep around without the double standard simply because men do it. Women want to be on the front line in the military and hold the same job titles as men. Women want to demand all these things that are unnatural. They feel this way because somewhere along the line they have been let down by a man they trusted whether they're conscious of it or not. If they want all these things then why are there special rules given to these women in the military and jobs? You can't have it both ways ladies.
Men are afraid to compliment me, open the door for me, pay for a date because of the feminist movement. They are becoming accustomed to women who prefer this treatment. My desire to be courted is something of the past and it isn't how things are supposed to be. Men are designed to protect and provide. They are made to lead. They thrive on respect, appreciation, and support. Women are designed to nurture, submit/follow, and support. I am not saying every man deserves this respect. I am not saying women aren't capable. I am very intelligent and I am very capable to take care of myself.
Christian men who know their role as a man will love God more than a woman. He will obey him and follow him. Christian women who know their role as a woman will love God more than a man. She will seek him first in everything and obey him. She will submit to him to meet all of her needs. She is to seek a man like this. That man is worthy of respect, appreciation and support. If he is obedient to God then submitting to this man is obeying God as well. Just because you submit doesn't mean you aren't capable. It means you love and respect your spouse to be the leader of the home. When you allow him to rise to his potential in this way his needs will always be met. He will feel like a man. He will thrive and lead your family. You may not always agree with him but you respect and support him regardless. You pray for him daily and encourage him. He will adore you for this and your needs will be met as a woman.
I am not saying you have to quit your job and stay home raising babies. Times have changed and if it requires that both spouses work then so be it. When I say gender roles I mean the Lead/follow roles. If you make a man feel like the only man alive when he comes home then he will want to be there. Both spouses should live selflessly and put God first in everything. When you discuss issues it should be at the table in the kitchen and not your bedroom. Your bedroom should be reserved for alone time and intimacy. It should be where you both hold one another and pray together. Greet him at the end of the day with a hug and a kiss. Cook for him and run his bath or shower. Throw his towel in the dryer so its warm when he steps out. Massage him and let him relax. When he wants to be alone don't follow him. Don't nag. Once you tell him something he knows. If there is a honey do list then write it on a chalkboard in the kitchen and allow him the time to work on things as he can and praise him for it when he does. Never disrespect him especially in public. If you disagree then you save it until you are alone. Be open with intimacy to explore things he enjoys. Make him a priority. Do the things you did to win his heart and never stop. You are too tired to have sex? Then you need to rearrange your priorities and cut something out so that you aren't too tired for your husband. Tell him how proud you are that he provides for your family. Tell him how much your appreciate his faithfulness and dedication to you. Tell him that you respect how he always puts you and the family ahead of his needs. Tell him how safe he makes you feel.
If you want a man like this then make a list of what you are looking for in a spouse. Read your bible and seek God. He will show you what a Godly man looks like. When you are dating look for character traits in the actions not just the charming words you hear. If a man walks up to you and asks you out then he is assertive and brave. He knew the risk of rejection was there but rather than being cowardly he faced it because he was interested in you. Allow a man to open a door for you and take you on a real date. Allow him to pick you up and drop you off. Get back to the anxious feeling of a goodnight kiss. Look forward to flowers and love notes. It's not about a chase its about a man who is willing to pursue you as Christ did. When he opens the door and lets you in then lean over and open his from the inside. When he pays for dinner or a movie thank him for the wonderful evening. When he shows up with flowers brag on him for being so thoughtful. Allow him to be the man he was designed to be. Show him what it feels like to meet those expectations in a woman. He will feel like a respected gentlemen and you will feel like an adored princess.
You are after all a princess and he is after all your prince charming because you are both children of the King. If you seek him first and obey him in all that you do then you will live happily ever after.
Dear future husband,
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving wherever you were! I also hope that you are a Mississippi State fan and are somewhere cheering them on in the egg bowl! It's ok if you aren't...I don't expect you to be PERFECT. I am decorating the house for Christmas and I was just hanging our stockings. I think I will hang an extra one for you this year just so you know that I haven't given up hope. I hope you aren't mad at me for listening to that jerkface when he told me that he was you! I totally think you should beat him up for impersonating you. You should be proud to know that I put God first and kept my focus on him through all of that and he protected my heart for you. I realize now that people will use my faith and anything else to get to me for whatever reason. As long as I keep my eyes on what is important I don't have to worry about that. I find myself wondering what you are doing right now. Are you mixing a drink and talking with your friends? Are you driving and getting lost in a song? Are you working and counting down the hours until you're home? Are you ringing your cowbell? That's it isnt it? I knew it! ;) Wherever you are I hope that you know I still pray for you and your family whatever you may be doing and wherever you may be. I pray in detail. I pray for your thoughts and your faith. I pray for whatever ails you. I pray that your family and friends support whatever it is that you are doing with your life. I pray that you think of me and what I may look like or what I may be doing. I pray that you have peace knowing that I'm not rushing into and out of whirlwind romances just for the sake of loneliness. I hope you know that I'm waiting patiently but expectantly to kiss your face. Until that day comes please keep your faith in me.
Your Future Wife
Sunday, November 8, 2015
So here I am after all that has transpired. My heart full of praise for all that God is. I posted about finding a man who was the answer to my prayers. I logged my prayer journal. I posted about Satan vs. Intuition. I exposed all of these moments to those of you who read and follow me. Well the truth is that the man turned out to be everything he said he was not. I didn't want any of you to think negatively of faith and prayer and claiming things that we pray for. I have sat patiently waiting on God to lay on my heart what it is that he wanted me to learn from this. You see God did allow this man to come into my life. I may have been wrong about the intent but God doesn't make mistakes. The peace I felt about this was real. You see sometimes people come into our lives for a brief moment to teach us something or to plant a seed for things to come. I gave God my heart and I prayed about this situation as I do everything. I kept God in the center of my life. I focused on him rather than this relationship. I was looking at him to direct it in whatever direction he wanted it to go. I was hopeful and excited but I always ask God that his will be done over my desires. When this man let me down I was in awe that I felt no pain. I didn't cry. I didn't feel heartbroken. I've always read Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 but to be honest I haven't always known how to guard my heart. I have always felt powerless to the passion I have felt and falling in love. I thought guarding my heart meant building walls and I didn't know how to love that way. I dont know how to give myself in layers. Im an all or nothing person. It wasnt until now that I see the way to protect our hearts is to give to the one it belongs to. I gave my heart to Jesus and I kept him first therefore he protected it. The circumstances were no different than before. There was a man who was everything I have ever wanted and he led me on. This has happened before and I felt crushed with disappointment. Why not this time? Well there it is. This time....I put God in the center of it all. I had been praying and studying about God's love for me. I wanted to know how to truly make him my first love again. He sent a man into my life to teach me of his love for me. He is showing me that I am his and he is mine. He is displaying all the characteristics that I should seek in a future husband. Men may come along dressed exactly like all I have asked for and I no longer have to fear the risk because I know who holds my heart. I know who protects me. It is about obedience and keeping God first in all we do no matter what it is. Isn't that amazing? We don't have to fear! We don't have worry! We are called to love and he shows us the magnitude of his love everyday as long as we look to him. I forgive James for hurting me because he is broken and doesn't know what he is doing. God knows his heart and I do not. God extends grace to me abundantly therefore I would never withhold that grace from those who do me wrong. He didn't ask me for forgiveness. He didnt even apologize. I extend my forgiveness anyway. I pray that God blesses him and his life. I pray that he finds whatever it is he is missing. I pray that he see that all he needs is God and all else will fall into place. I pray for the hearts he may be breaking in the process. I still have faith in all that I have prayed for. That faith is unwavering. I am so full of joy and nothing can take that away.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
I am posting to simply preface what is to come. I have to gather my thoughts and pray over them before putting the pen to paper or fingers to the keys, if you will. A lot has transpired within me over the past couple of weeks. I have witnessed a lot of growth inside of me that I never knew was there. I will say that the man who convinced me that he was sent from God as an answer to my prayers didn’t turn out to be what he said he was. I will say that everything happens for a reason and God doesn’t make mistakes. I want to share with you how God answered my prayers and the lessons I am walking away with. I simply need to process what I am feeling before I go there. I can admit that there is an ounce of anger inside of me right now. I have forgiven the deceitfulness. My heart is not a home for cowards and God is protecting it. If I ever doubted the magnitude of his love for me, never again will my faith waiver. This weekend I will not have my children so I will spend that time alone writing and sharing with you all. I pray that God blesses you with favor today and the rest of the week. Until then…
Sunday, November 1, 2015
I've been in a hurricane of emotions over the past 2 weeks with different things going on in my life. I don't share the negative things because I don't like breathing life into them by even acknowledging them. I give them to God and I let them go. It doesn't mean I don't find worry creeping up on me from time to time. That is something that I have dealt with and I am battling it with the truth of God's word. Logic and hindsight has taught me to guard my heart. God's word has also taught me to guard my heart...but in a different way.
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.
There is a fine line of guarding yourself and being jaded. It's hard to trust when you've been broken but I saw a post that said "God never commanded you to trust people. God commanded you to love people and trust him. Know the difference. Your joy and victory depend on it." This hit me hard. This was what I needed to see. God uses people to bless us in ways we never thought possible. People post things on social media, we hear song lyrics, we read things, someone tells us something and there it is...that sweet affirmation of what is trying to tell us. We must be always make sure we are humble and that we are listening. I have said before that God answers prayers and he guides us but sometimes his voices is as quiet as a baby's breath and sometimes it's as loud as a church bell.
It's easy to praise God when everything is amazing and we feel on top of the world but what about when we are struggling with something inside? What about when we are hurting? You see when we praise God and we share his love with others and proclaim how he has blessed us then you can rest assured that Satan is on a mission to destroy it.
The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy; I came that they may have life and live it abundantly John 10:10
You see the more we share God's love in our lives the more people want to know him and this angers Satan. We shouldn't allow that to silence us. Rather look at it as a sign that you are on the right path. If he isn't trying to attack you then you aren't a threat to him and that should make you rethink how you are living your life. I was proclaiming God's answer to my prayers. I claimed that God had sent an amazing man into my life. For a week this man and I shared the sweetest conversations and getting to know one another. We prayed for each other and felt the euphoric excitement of infatuation. I've said before that this isn't "falling in love" in spite of what people think. It is simply an emotion and happiness when something is new and exciting. It is hopeful. A few days ago the communication between he and I slowed down and I began to worry. Satan whispered his lies reminding me of how men had led me on before only to leave me standing there alone. He reminded me of the signs when they change their mind. He wanted me to analyze everything. It's easy to see these things when you are looking at them in that way. That is why we have to look to God and remember who he is. Why would he bless me with something and allow Satan to take it from me? He wouldn't. Satan hit me hard when he reminded me of my intuition. He played on my faith and reminded me of God's discernment. I started to wonder if I needed to just step back and give this man space. I started wondering if he was afraid. I know that men can get excited and say things then retreat out of fear. All of these thoughts plagued my mind but God's truth remains. It was a verse that this man had shared with me in the beginning.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
There could be any number of reasons that communication slowed down. It could very well be the pace that God is laying on our hearts.The point is how we see things are entirely based on perspective. There are amazing things going on in our lives everyday. God's love and grace are overwhelming and those are the things we should focus on. Praise him for all he has blessed us with and all that he is. There are negative things going on all around us as well but our happiness is based on where we focus our attention. Just like Proverbs 4:23 instructs us to guard our hearts this is what it is referring to. It isn't saying to build walls. It in't saying to not let people in. It is saying to not let Satan steal that joy. Focus on God's love and blessings in spite of Satan's lies. It isn't always ok to "trust your gut" ...it is always necessary to TRUST IN GOD and his holy word.
For the Lord gives wisdom. From his mouth come knowledge and understanding Proverbs 2:6
In God whose word I praise in God I trust and am not afraid what can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56:4
I choose to focus on God's blessing in my life rather than Satan's lies. The fact is I am not in control of my life. God is in control. I can't control whether or not I get hurt. I can't protect my heart from being broken. When I begin to think I can step in and steer my life in the direction I think it should go is when I will fail. When I began to worry then I was telling God that I don't have faith that he is in control. I wasn't being obedient. I contemplated writing about this but I promised to be transparent with you all. In order for you to see how God moves in my life you need to see how Satan also tries to attack. You need to see that it doesn't mean I don't struggle just like you do everyday. It does mean that I have someone who loves me unconditionally and if I will follow him and hold his truths in my heart then I am equipped to battle Satan when this happens. He has no power over me because he that is within me is greater than he that is within the world.
Dear future husband,
Good afternoon darling. I hope your Sunday is treating you well. I want you to know that I still pray for you everyday. I know God is blessing you and I have faith that you know who I am. God has laid it on my heart to tell you that you are safe with me. Your heart is something I plan to take very good care of because I intend on exchanging yours with mine. I want to love you past your pain. I want to be the place you call home. I want to pray for you and hold you until every doubt disappears. It isn't easy allowing yourself to be vulnerable especially when your heart has been broken but we all come from a place of brokenness. It is through God's love and infinite grace that we are made whole again. I will never disrespect you. I will never let hateful words escape my lips. I will never be dishonest. I will always be loyal to you and grateful for you. I will always tell you how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate all you do. I will support you and lift you up when you feel tired. I will hold you close to me when you need rest. God blesses us in countless ways. He often blesses us by sending people into our lives to meet the needs we have. I want to know you and I want to be that blessing for you. I pray that when you find me that you wont be afraid. I pray that you will not doubt me. I pray that you will not distance yourself from me. If you run I will still be here praying for you. If you are scared then I will wait patiently until you know that I will not bring you any harm. Take your time sweetheart. You've certainly waited this long to find me ;) I am used to waiting on you by now. Until then just know I am praying for you and I live with expectancy.
1 John 4:18-19
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.
Love your future wife,
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Worship the Lord your God and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you. Exodus 23:25
Heavenly father I want to thank you for my wonderful children. They are such a blessing and a joy in my life. I want to thank you for our home and my career. I am thankful that you always meet our needs. You are a God of abundance and you bless me more than I deserve. Lord I want to thank you for friends and family who support me and encourage me daily. Again father I want to thank you for blessing me by leading James into my life. Although all of this is so new he has been a blessing since the day we began talking. He is such a devout Christian man and I respect him very much. He encourages me and compliments me bringing joy to my life in a way that I have only felt in you. I look forward to growing in this relationship according to your will in our lives.
Father tonight I come to you asking for your healing power over James as he deals with sickness. Lord I know that you are the ultimate healer and I ask that you just lay your hands on him and remove any fever, pain, discomfort, infection, or ailment that he is suffering from. Dear Lord his faith is in your healing power and his love for you overflows. Exodus 23: 25 tells us that those who worship you will be blessed and you will take away any sickness. Tonight I claim this healing over James. By your mercy and grace Lord may he begin to feel better so that he can be energized to perform his duties at work and be the best father that he can be to his 2 beautiful sons. Lord I know that stress can sometimes cause us to neglect our physical need of rest and Lord only you and he know what his needs are. Father I ask that you answer any prayers in his life right now and relieve him of all that is holding him down. I can't be there to comfort him right now so God I just ask that he wakes feeling 100% healthy and well rested.
Jesus I thank you for being the great physician. I thank you for healing us when Satan tries to hinder us with sickness and stress in our lives. Jesus I thank you for delivering James from this illness tonight. I thank you again for bringing him into my life. He is such a positive influence to those who know him. He uses social media as a ministry for you Lord. Father you know his heart and from what I have seen his character is impeccable. Father may his healing glorify you and show your infinite mercy and grace in our lives. You are all we need. You are always enough. You sustain us. I love you with all that I am and all that you are.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
So on facebook this morning I shared a post from 2 years ago through the "On this day app". It was the music video of Chris Sligh singing "Empty Me" which I have shared for you below. The song has always moved me especially when he sings "cause everything is a lesser thing compared to you compared to you". We are to empty ourselves of anything that hinders us from fully submitting our lives to God and ask to be filled with him.
Tonight at church we went over what it means to really "Follow Jesus". We can't follow him on our terms we have to follow him on his terms. We have to be willing to sacrifice anything that he asks of us to follow him. We have to follow him unconditionally. We read Luke 9:57-62 and I have broken these verses down for you in red.
Monday, October 26, 2015
I have been inspired to start a prayer journal. My first entry is actually relative to the one who inspired me. There are prayer journals like any other journal that can be purchased at book stores but I have decided to incorporate mine into my blog. I am doing this because you all have read my posts and followed my journey over the past couple of years and I want you to see on a more intimate level how God is moving and has always moved in my life. I think you will have a better understanding of my faith and my love for him. I think you will witness faith in action and his endless grace and mercy. He is a God of abundance and I am so very thankful.
To preface you on how a prayer journal works you begin by praying and talking to God as if he is your father/friend/closest confidant. He is in fact all of these things. You may even journal your prayer before speaking to God as a way to gather your thoughts. You will begin your prayer journal with a scripture relative to your prayer request. This isn't some sacrifice or way to make sure your prayer is answered. It is to reference God's word to your needs. You then begin by thanking him for all he is and all he has done for you. You count your blessings and praise him. Think of how you would feel if someone is constantly asking of you yet they never show appreciation or gratitude. You then tell God in detail what it is you are wanting. You then conclude the journal by thanking him in advance for what you have requested. You are acknowledging who he is and putting your faith in action by expecting that he has answered your prayer. If your heart is in the right place and it is according to God's will then he will answer your prayers in his own timing. This could be instantly or could be years from now but faith is essential. When my son asks me for new shoes then of course I determine whether or not he needs new shoes at the moment. I know he will eventually need new shoes regardless so his request may be granted immediately or it may be on hold until I know he's ready for them. I tell him yes and he is "expecting" them and is excited about receiving them. This is how we too should approach God with our prayers.
Then the Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." Genesis 2:18
Father I come to you with thanksgiving in my heart. I thank you for my mother's salvation. I am thankful that I will witness her baptism this Sunday and my boys will see the joy on her face as she publicly declares her love for you. I am thankful for my children and the joy that they bring to me. I thank you for blessing me with them. I am so very thankful for my career and the wonderful boss and coworkers that I have. It is a place that is family friendly and caring. I want to thank you for my family who is so supportive and encouraging and I want to thank you for my friends who pray for me, with me and encourage me as well. I am thankful for the weight that I have lost bringing me closer to my body goals and a healthier lifestyle. I know that my body is your temple and I want to be the best person that I can be so that you may be gloried in all that I accomplish. Father I know I can do nothing without you.
Father tonight I thank you for bringing JJ into my life. I ask that you bless what we have begun so that our focus remains on you and your will in our lives. Father I ask for discernment and guidance to keep things at a healthy pace so that we establish a foundation of friendship and a bond that cannot be broken. I know that Mark 10:9 tells me that whatever your bring together let no man separate. I know that if we keep you at the center of our relationship that we cannot fail. I use the term relationship in a generic sense. Dear Lord everything is so new and we both love you with all of our hearts. I began this with fear in my heart because of my past and I refused to allow doubt to rob me of my blessing. Some may say "just to be on the safe side keep your guard up" but I reflect on how I am to pray and my faith. I have faith that God has answered my prayers for a devout Christian man to love me. I am worthy of such love. I am worthy of such happiness. I don't have to doubt or fear. There is risk in anything we do but faith is stepping over fear and saying I claim this blessing and I will live with expectancy. He is the answer to my prayers and the peace that I feel in my heart is exactly what I knew I would feel the day he came along. I was moved to tears on my drive home today because I couldn't find words to describe this feeling inside. When God answers you will know. Sometimes its as quiet as your breath and other times its as loud as a church bell.
I thank you again Father for answering my prayers and blessing me with a man who has amazed me with his love for you. I look forward to growing this relationship to be everything you have designed it to be. You are a God of abundance. You not only meet our needs but you exceed our expectations so that others may see your good works and long to know you as we do. May our relationship glorify all that you are and be a love story that will plant seeds in the lives of others just like the story of Ruth and Boaz. This is me father acting on faith and claiming my blessing. I love you with all that I am and all that you are. Your grace is always enough.