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Tuesday, October 6, 2015

UNCERTAINTY





I need to figure out how to deal with uncertainty. It is essential to learn to live with it and life is full of uncertainty. Uncertainty is a word that makes me shiver in fear. It is something I loathe. It cripples me and paralyzes me because I don’t know whether to move forward or retreat back into the safety of everything that is known. It’s like swimming at night out into sea. You never know what is going to grab you and pull you beneath the surface. What if I drown? It is like walking into the woods after dark looking for something…you can’t see it, you have no idea where it could be, and you never know what could happen to you. Uncertainty is the bride of fear. Uncertainty in life is inevitable but uncertainty when it comes to relationships can be removed with effort on our parts. 

In my life I do everything in my power to relieve doubt and uncertainty with those I care for. I always make them feel secure in where we stand in regards to a relationship and how I feel about them. Open and raw honesty is the antidote for uncertainty. It removes the doubt. It disables over thinking. It grants peace and security. It is the opposite of fear.

I believe it is everyone’s place to extend this service to those we care about. If everyone were honest about their intentions and feelings then there would be no room for over analyzing and over reacting. There would be no doubt and fear in our hearts. We would know we are safe to be who we are because we know where we stand.

The sad thing is people do not divulge these things. They tell us just enough or what we want to hear because they are either cowards who do not want to risk looking like an ass for using us or they are too kind and do not want to hurt us. The fact is they hurt us even more by leading us on. It is best to hurt someone with the truth than destroy them with a lie. The truth may hurt but it doesn’t harvest trust issues and it doesn’t leave room for overthinking and analyzing. No one has to wonder what when wrong or what they could’ve done differently. Everyone needs to have the courage to stand up for how they feel and own up to any mistakes made in the process. So what if you look like an ass…maybe you were one. You can’t walk away from every situation looking innocent when you know in your heart you aren’t. Where is the integrity in that? You can however be a man or a woman and own up to what you feel and share that with someone knowing that regardless of the outcome you did what was right. You gave them closure. 

That is how I live my life. Good, bad or indifferent. People say I wear my heart on my sleeve and that is how it gets broken time and time again but I feel alive. I love with all I am. I know who I am and at the end of the day when I lay my head down to sleep, I know that there is no doubt in any one’s mind about how I feel about them. I have ran away in my past but I have rectified the situations. I have bled my heart out for those who never loved me in return. I have given pieces of me until I wasn’t sure if there was anything left. The more love you give the more love overflows. It renews itself. Don’t worry about how you will look or what someone will say. Be honest and give the gift of certainty whether it is a declaration of your love or a painful goodbye.