Thursday, January 23, 2014
I've had several men who I've talked to over the past year reach out to me that apparently still read my blog. They've all responded the same or even seemingly mocked me for writing. They say I seem to have too much time on my hands. The truth is each post may take 5 minutes of my time but I think deeply all of the time. Its just who I am. I am a passionate person. I'm aware there are people who rarely look past the exterior of others and their own circumstances. I don't judge you for your lack of depth but there is something you feel passionate about whether that be a hobby, a person, your job, or a sport. Try to relate to others on some level. The saddest people in life are those who don't feel passionate towards anything. I don't claim to know everything. I'm simply sharing my thoughts and philosophies as I go through things. I smile when I say that out loud. I have come such a long way that fear is nearly non existent in my life. Sure it sneaks up and grabs me but I don't let it hold me back. I live my life and I risk my heart because I know that its better to feel seconds of love even if its followed by a lifetime of pain. Its those few seconds of love that give you a reason to try again. That feeling gives you hope. I seem to always butt heads with pragmatic people when we debate my conquests vs. theirs. Recently I was talking with a friend and he suggested that I make my conquests sequential based on goals in life. He said that I remove love from any of those conquests and see where life takes me. He thinks that I'm not living my life maybe because I'm not scaling the side of a cliff or pursuing million dollar business opportunities. This is who pragmatic people are. I am not like you therefore my happiness is not dependent on meeting goals in life. That doesn't mean I don't have them. It means that I feel I was put here to live and to love. I simply want to share these things through my blog because I know people have followed from the very beginning. When I do meet the man of my dreams and we begin our life I will then put all of my relationship theories to test and continue to blog. My hopes are the people will read and relate and know that its possible to overcome. Its also necessary to risk in order to gain wisdom. No one can ever really fail unless they give up trying. Now if I ever have too much time on my hands that I can't share my thoughts with others then I need to re-evaluate my life because as I said I was put here to live and to love. I share because I want to leave behind a legacy. I want people to know that I have this over flowing fountain of love inside of me that I don't mind sharing even if that leaves me with scars. I also have to say that you may think I've been hurt alot but every last man who has taught me a lesson has reached back out to me with an apology and admission of guilt. So you tell me who lost the most in those situations. I may be easy to walk away from for whatever reason but I'm impossible to forget and I'm ok with that.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Phase 1- Physical Attraction: He sees you and he likes what he sees.
Phase 2- Scouting: Men can be attracted (see phase 1) to many women but they will respond to those who reciprocate that interest. Men have no emotional connection to you at this point. He simply wants to know if he pursues that there may be a response from you. If you show no interest he will simply move on to the next woman that he is attracted to.
Phase 3- The Chase: This is when the man knows you welcome his advances and he begins to move directly into Phase 4.
Phase 4- Impression: This is when the man wants to impress you. He is showing you how worthy he is through dates, gifts, flowers, and wooing you with pretty words. This is when we begin to develop feelings but the man is far from that even though he is doing all of these things. Remember he is still just attracted and this is a challenge for him. He doesn't have you just yet. Hes working towards winning you over.
Phase 5- Making You Love him: This is the utmost achievement for the man. He wants to know he has made you fall for him. Everything up to this point is simply to prove to you that he is the right man for you. This is where things get a little complicated because he was either not being 100% himself but rather what he knew you wanted or he never wondered if you're right for him since his main conquest up until this point was to impress you based on his initial attraction. Now he starts to really evaluate things and decide if you are what he wants long term, how he feels about you, will he be happy with you, what does he want. A man can simply walk away at this point for any reason he comes up with in his mind that tells him you aren't quite the one or because he thinks he may be able to do better. He will either allow himself to fall at this point or he will become distant and walk away.
Now this is the cold hard truth! Its just how men are designed. This is the reason why I got so caught up in men before and believed all the things they said only to have them seemingly change their mind and walk away with no explanation or used the cliche lines "I'm scared" or "I'm just not ready". Its all BS because the fact is I didn't wow them enough or I didn't have something they were looking for. Once they reached the satisfaction of the pursuit they moved on. All the time we've spent over analyzing those situations and wondering what we did wrong is pointless. Men seek a challenge. This is why it is important to know who you are as a woman and what you want. Keep your options open and stay busy. If men are after you then you have options and a man wants to win over the heart of that woman. This is the competitive nature in him.
Its hard to keep the allure and chase going as a woman when you really feel a connection with a man. You want him to know but the truth is you can't reveal everything right away. You have to keep him wanting more every time. You must be yourself but this is why it is important to set boundaries and rules. This is also why it is important to move slowly. If you peak too soon with a man then what does he have to work for? If you're easy to catch then he may think he can do better. Know your worth and be confident. Just because a man chooses to walk away after he's evaluated the situation doesn't mean you are the problem. You may know you're perfect together but you can't convince a man and the more you try the more he will resist and it is a turn off I can assure you. You simple accept it with grace and move on afterall you are a woman with options.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
It seems like every man that hurt me has reached out to me in the past 2 weeks. It's been an opportunity to test the waters and see how strong I've really become. I care about my heart and I care about my well being. If you look me in my eyes and feed me empty promises and pointless words that's on you but if I eat them it's on me because you've already breached that precious trust. I was raised to take a man at his word until he lies. If you lie then you lack integrity. You can't come back months down the road with an apology and pick me back up. If you take a piece of antique china and drop it on the floor its going to break. You can apologize all you want to but it's still broken. It will never be the same again. People with integrity do not intentionally hurt people. This is precisely why I set boundaries and rules instead of building walls.
I recently reconnected with my summer fling from the summer I turned 16. We found each other on Facebook and chatted on the phone. We had drinks on the phone and listened to 90s music while taking a walk down memory lane. We didn't make plans to rekindle the flame or anything but it was just friendly conversation. He said something that hit home with me. He said he remembered being able to talk to me about anything. People tell me that now. It obvious that we are who we are and our character and personality is set in stone. Time and circumstances might alter our view on life and our actions but ultimately we are who we've always been. Integrity is something you were raised with and you either possess it or you don't. I think its a character trait.
With that being said should we offer second chances to people? Obviously it depends on the offense but if you ever have to question someone's integrity then odds are they are lacking it. This comes down to standards. You control how others treat you. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you set boundaries and walk away when someone crosses them then your heart will learn to trust your mind again. Its taken years and experience to reach this point in my life but let me say this to you now, IF YOU LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK FROM LIVING LIFE AND RISKING YOUR HEART THEN YOU WILL NEVER OBTAIN WISDOM AND YOU WILL NEVER FEEL THE EUPHORIA OF LOVE. Wisdom comes from living. Get out there and live your life. You are going to be broken down time and time again but the wisdom you'll gain will rebuild you renew your spirit until you look in the mirror one day and see a stronger you. Then the fall begins to not hurt as bad until eventually you find the one that makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Wisdom is gained through age and life experiences but it can also increase if we apply a little effort. We are wise to the things that once challenged us and we are aware of our limitations over time. As my life has progressed over the years my priorities have changed and my expectations have become realistic.
When we start off as children we dream. We long to be everything we envision in our minds. We are fickle and full of gumption. For some of us dreaming never ceases. It is simply the dreams that change. The most important thing in life to hold on to is hope. Hope is the fuel that keeps us driving and picking up passengers along the way. Those passengers manifest into wisdom. We also become passengers and teach as much as we learn.
Life is a series of choices. One choice after the other from the most minute detail to the life changing moments when we decide our own fate. Over time we experience grief and pain that can leave us jaded in one way or another. We cannot allow fear to control us. We can however use the wisdom we acquired from those tragedies to set boundaries and rules in place to protect our feelings or to minimize our risk.
Over the course of a lifetime we also experience a lot of joy and love. These experiences create euphoric memories that we will never forget. Often enough we are afraid to let our guards down and love due to failed relationships in the past. While these euphoric feelings are so amazing we often remember the pain of them going away and many simply do not want to risk it. It is important to realize that without risk there is no gain.
It is important to open up to people and share our lives with one another. If we do this we will often find that everyone has a story to share. Everyone has a bit of wisdom and life experience as well as a completely difference perspective on relatable circumstances. Strength comes in numbers and in love. Do not let fear hold you back. If you are not living then you are not gaining wisdom. You are dying within yourself and you are selfishly denying the world of a beautiful soul.