Tuesday, June 28, 2016
So there we were on Jackson square in front of St. Louis cathedral walking hand in hand observing the landscaping. Just as we looked up in front of us a man got down on one knee to propose to his girlfriend. He was emotional and we watched as they stared into each others eyes professing the desire to spend every day together for the rest of their lives. Tears flooded my eyes to have witnessed a life changing moment of total strangers. We stood there smiling in awe that we were blessed to have been a part of that special occasion even as passerby. We walked along the streets watching people and admiring architecture. Occasionally we would duck inside of a shop to escape the heat of the south but we were never more than a few inches apart for any longer than a few minutes. There we were visiting New Orleans and soaking in the mystery and romance that we felt with each step.
After spending the afternoon walking along the river front, shopping in the french market and exhausting ourselves we retreated to the hotel. At first it was a desperate attempt to hover over the AC as we were glistening with clammy skin and excitement of what we would discover that night. We laid back on the bed and talked for what seemed like hours. I have no recollection of the time we spent there. We covered important topics about dating and our lives. I felt this connection...we both felt this connection as if we had known one another our entire lives yet we wanted to know everything and more. Finally we decided to get dressed and head out for the evening.
Again we walked hand in hand down the streets of broken pavement. He watched out for every crack and dip to protect me from stumbling. As we walked he would compliment me and smile. I knew then that my heart was in a world of trouble. We exchanged moments of staring at the other when they weren't looking ...often catching one another and shying away with a smile. That evening after dinner we took a carriage ride to tour the French Quarter and it was almost magical. The city at night was much different than during the day. After the ambiance of such a wonderful evening we walked back to our hotel room.
That night we talked more and shared a bond that I have yet to share with anyone. I connected with him on a level I have never connected with anyone. As the sun crept the following morning we didn't want to say goodbye to the city. We didnt want this amazing weekend to end. We stayed in the room just as long as we possibly could. Room 231. That was where we became more than we were when we arrived.
As we walked down the street heading to the car we decided to stop off in a little diner that advertised WORLDS BEST HAMBURGERS. How could you pass up the world's best hamburger right? It was in that diner that I looked at this man and my soul sort of sighed. Everything inside of me said that is the one we have been searching for. It almost moved me to tears so I stared out of the window daydreaming. We ordered our burgers and shared stories. "Be my baby" came on the radio and I could do nothing but smile. It was a moment for us. It was a moment that I knew I would remember for the rest of my life. All of these moments may sound so simple to you or anyone else but you see there is a secret to it all. Ordinary things become extraordinary with the right person.
...And so our story continues
Monday, June 20, 2016
So here I am with a mind full of thoughts and emotions to express. I hardly know where to begin so I guess I will just start with June 1st. June 1st was just an ordinary Wednesday except it happened to be the day that I met a man from a dating site online. There I was feeling super skeptical and certain that this would be yet another first and last date or meet and greet. We had been chatting for a few days and shared a few laughs. It seemed right to just meet before either one of us got our hopes up. I drive up and this man smiled at me. It was that moment that my heart sort of took a breath or sigh of relief. He felt safe.
I had become so doubtful of everyone I had planned to meet online. I almost loathed first dates to the point that I would find reasons to cancel. My comfort zone was at home in my yoga pants with sushi and netflix. Although binge watching entire seasons of Army wives wasn't exactly emotionally healthy either. Yes there I was having a meet and greet with a man who I expected to be all wrong for me. As I drove away I thought of every reason why it would probably not work out regardless of that first impression.
I started telling myself it was impossible because he didn't have children and I could no longer have anymore. I started thinking of my parental responsibilities and thought there is no way he would be patient with my schedule in the beginning so why even bother. As I was pondering reasons to go ahead and end it before I got my hopes up my heart sort of pulled the reigns. A bold resolve gripped me and I decided it was time to stop running. If all of these are reasons it wouldnt work out then ending it before it had a chance certainly wasn't much of an alternative. I took a chance. I stepped out on faith.
They say to take a step of faith and God will do the rest. I can assure you that is exactly what has happened since then. We went from a meet and greet to a breakfast date to seeing one another almost every day, We took a road trip to New Orleans and we continue to see where this thing is taking us.
Now that I have prefaced you with a shell of this story I want to visit the things I have picked up on one by one but not in just this one post. It is too much to write in one sitting. Im flooded with thoughts and things to say so I have to take time to sort them out and share them with you, Tonight I simply want to talk about comfort.
You can't prepare yourself for the magic that will unfold when you give someone enough comfort to be themselves. THIS is something I live for. Real connections with real people who are so unapologetically themselves. I am so passionate and I crave moments when I see people in raw form. I want to see the things that make them smile. I want to watch their faces light up when they talk about things that they're passionate about. I like to hear their stories of how life has molded them into the person they are today. If you can't feel this deeply and if you can't find beauty in the most ordinary things then what makes you feel alive?
He and I have had endless conversations about everything imaginable but one word is spoken more often than any others. That word is "comfortable". Having that level of comfort to be vulnerable isn't easy for alot of people. Life has a way of jading us. People have made us feel that love is conditional. We begin to layer armor on us until we are only connecting with people on a surface level. We long to feel something that moves us inside. We want to fall in love. We want these feelings but we are scared to take the step of faith required to get there. We want to trust but that level of comfort is lacking.
The way we make people feel comfortable is by making ourselves just as vulnerable. Its by understanding that we have all felt pain. When this happens people begin to soften and allow you to peel back the layers one at a time. It is in this moment that you connect with one another. It is in this beautiful moment that they feel safe to feel things they've avoided feeling. They find words to describe fears and desires. They begin to purge months and years of emotions that they've bottled deep inside because there was no where to release them. These connections are rare but they are the moments that inspire novels and movies. They make us feel alive. It all starts with a little comfort. Comfort is a catalyst of stories that long to be told.
Follow as I share with you the things I have discovered recently ...you had me at "comfortable"
Monday, June 13, 2016
Monday, June 13, 2016
Dear Future Husband,
Good afternoon sweet potato! I hope your Monday is wonderful and filled with favor. I hope it didn’t come too quickly after a well spent weekend. I hope you are sitting there pondering what our lives will be like when we are together and all of the memories we will make. I’ve certainly been daydreaming about it lately.
I had to really take a step back and realize how quickly I could find you. Every date we go on is a 50/50 chance that we could find one another. It’s a 50% chance that it will be our last first date and last first kiss. I don’t care about being your first because we are older and we have probably both seen our share of love and heartbreak but I care about being your last. I care about being your happily ever after. I want you to be the end of my story and the beginning of OUR story. I care about the excitement of our ONCE UPON A TIME. I care about keeping the butterflies alive from the moment they bust out of those cocoons inside.
I want to be your “whatever” and I want to laugh with you. I want to keep your gaze. I want to flirt with you at 6am. I want to throw your towel in the drier while you shower so you’re warm and toasty. I want to surprise you with a shirt I bought for you even if you hate the color. I want to anticipate how we would spend our money when we hit it big with the lottery. I want to make shadow box after shadow box after shadow box for every single road trip we ever take.
I want to reach over and hold your hand when we are driving. I want to iron your clothes just like you like them. I want to make you feel like the only man alive because in my eyes you’re the only man I see. I know you’re out there. I know my hand will fit perfectly inside of yours. I know there’s a spot on your chest where my head was just destined to nuzzle. I know there’s a place for us. I know there is a story to be told. I know that it will be the greatest love story I have ever read. Until then my love, to be continued
Please know in your heart as I have always done and will always continue to do …I pray for you. I pray that your days are full of blessing. I pray for your strength. I pray for your health. I pray for your joy. I pray for your success. I pray that you are surrounded by family and friends who love and support you. I pray that you moisturize your little elbows too! ;)
Your future Wife,