I think about the man in my life and how I allowed myself to get swept away at first and how I have since regained my footing. His heart smelled like fresh dirt full of hope and potential and there I was waiting for the harvest. Who know's what will grow but the anticipation is enough to make my heart smile and that is all I really care about at the moment. I don't want to know the certainties in life like most people seem to do. I simply know what I want and I'm enjoying the journey as I get there.
I have realized that a lot of our personal struggles are between our heart and head. Most often we wonder if its fear holding us back or intuition. We are sometimes forced to let go of things because holding on seems foolish and while that stings the worst part is when you know its everything you've ever wanted. People say what is meant to be will be but I don't agree. I believe what is meant to be still requires effort and it's never easy. God knows nothing worthwhile is ever easy but its so worth it.
I see so many beautiful people sitting stagnant while the world keeps spinning. They are frozen with fear and their feet are cemented in bitterness. They have allowed their past to hold them captive. Never again will they be broken. Never again will they allow anyone to get close. Never again will they risk falling apart because they know how long it took to put themselves back together. What they fail to see is that love can heal wounds so painful that the scars will remain forever. What they fail to understand is that love is stronger than pain. Love is the very antidote to the heartache. Love comes in like a sledgehammer to break loose the cement of bitterness. It comes with a raging fire so hot that it melts the frozen apprehension that fear has plagued you with. The very thing that broke you was not love. Love is never negative. What broke you was deceit, unfaithfulness, anger, abuse, indifference, neglect, and disrespect. Love is the exact opposite of these things but the problem is that for so long they hid behind a mask. They disguised themselves as love. They embodied someone that we trusted with everything we are and that host inflicted these things on us until we were destroyed by what we thought was love.
Stop running from Love. Love is your only hope to restore all that was lost. What you do need to learn first is what love actually is. Love is not butterflies and passion. It is not lying awake missing someone all night. It isn't sweet notes and gifts. It isn't kissing in the rain. It isn't dancing in the kitchen. It isn't in an embrace. These are all things we feel when we are infatuated. Infatuation is the emotion we feel and refer to it as being "In love". Love is a verb. Love is an action word. Love is a choice that we make when these feelings are the last thing we feel. Love is a choice when the person isn't being very lovable. Love is saying I choose you today and tomorrow and next week and forever because I love you IN SPITE OF not BECAUSE OF. I will never stop choosing you. It isn't based on a merit system. It isn't earned. It is unconditional. It never hurts you.
Once you understand what love is then it's easy to recognize what it isn't. You then walk away from anything disguising itself as love. People can say anything. Words can roll off the tongue like a smooth bourbon and you'll find yourself drunk on expectations. Pay attention to how they treat you. Pay attention to how they treat others. Pay attention to who they really are and you will know in your heart and your mind if you want it more than you fear it. I can't promise someone will never break your heart again but I can promise you that you'll never find true love if you give up and become stagnant.