We're all a little jaded aren't we?

You know I’ve hated how being jaded has caused me to question people who only want to get close to me.  I mean they can’t possibly be genuine or real.  I’ve fallen for those lines before.  I’ve fallen hard and haven’t been caught.  If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is right? I over analyze it and other think and question them until they walk away.  Then I’m broken because I ruined it for myself.  I’ve never been on the receiving end of that before.  I never knew what it felt like.  The thing is I instantly recognized it.  All it made me want to do was prove that I’m not going anywhere. That I can love someone past their pain because that’s all I really want.  I want someone who is going to grab me by the arm every time I try to push them away and tell me it’s ok.  I want to be the one that heals someone.  I’ve been there.  I’ve felt pain you couldn’t fathom.  I know and I get it.  The thing is I want people to know me and everything about me because I don’t want issues to be deal breakers later when hearts are involved.  Therefore I wear my heart on my sleeve and tell people exactly how I feel and what I want.  If you don’t like it then that’s fine because we figured it out from the door but if you are interested then my heart swells with hope that you could be the one.  It breaks when its not but I heal and I move on.  I may lie around and bathe in self pity for a while but I can if I want to.  I hate it when I really start to like someone and they say something that makes my chest sting…gah that feeling hurts.  It instantly throws me in to a memory tunnel of heartbreak and my heart says run.  Often I do but some reason I don’t want to anymore.  I’m ready to throw caution to the wind and love with all I have.  Jump and see what happens. 

Infatuation

All LOVE begins with Infatuation.

Infatuation is the state of being carried away by unreasoned passion or love: 'expresses the headlong libidinal attraction'^[1] of addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.

I've researched it because I'm realizing I've never truly been in love it was always the infatuation stage. I don't know if I honestly believe that.  I believe love is a choice and infatuation is the emotion.  I believe you love someone "in spite of" rather than "because of".  Infatuation allows us to look past all those red flags.  I'm going to slow down and go with my intuitions.  The thing is your heart will lie to you.  The heart is a selfish thing.  It wants what it wants and tosses consequence to the wind.  Your head is usually powerless to the heart.  That heart is so charming.  The head is the voice of reason saying "fine but I'm gonna say I told you so when you lying around all broken"! The thing is if you listened to your head you'd save yourself from a lot of pain.  Do we really want to nail up that safety net?  Isn't the blind fall amazing?  Arent the butterflies overwhelming?  I think I'll keep siding with my heart.  I shall call her BELLE.  She is a spitfire and full of gumption.  She knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to say it.  She is quite selective though.  If it doesnt feel right then she moves on.  When she's done then its too late to try again so you'd better get it right the first time.  The only complaint I have is with her competitive nature.  You see she likes a challenge and I don't want to force anything anymore.  I want to feel love that comes naturally.  I know I can make things happen that I want.  I dont want to do that anymore.  My voice of reason is sitting there with crossed arms ignoring me because Im not being very compliant.  I can't stop smiling though and I'm alone.  That makes me feel so good.  I'm happy with who I am.  I'm excited about what life has for me in the future. When we are old all we're gonna have are memories.  I want to smile and know I've loved with all I have.  I want to close my eyes and remember nights that made me melt.  I want to laugh at the embarrassing cheesy things I've done and cringe at the moments I've made a fool of myself.  Those are memories that will keep us feeling alive. You see so many are alive but are you really living?  If you could do one thing today and no fail what you do? If you know it would work out just how you see it what would it be? Please leave comments and tell me.  I'm interested in knowing what my readers feel when they read my blogs.