Dear Future Husband 6.13.16

Monday, June 13, 2016

Dear Future Husband,

Good afternoon sweet potato! I hope your Monday is wonderful and filled with favor. I hope it didn’t come too quickly after a well spent weekend. I hope you are sitting there pondering what our lives will be like when we are together and all of the memories we will make.  I’ve certainly been daydreaming about it lately. 

I had to really take a step back and realize how quickly I could find you. Every date we go on is a 50/50 chance that we could find one another. It’s a 50% chance that it will be our last first date and last first kiss. I don’t care about being your first because we are older and we have probably both seen our share of love and heartbreak but I care about being your last.  I care about being your happily ever after. I want you to be the end of my story and the beginning of OUR story. I care about the excitement of our ONCE UPON A TIME. I care about keeping the butterflies alive from the moment they bust out of those cocoons inside. 

I want to be your “whatever” and I want to laugh with you. I want to keep your gaze. I want to flirt with you at 6am. I want to throw your towel in the drier while you shower so you’re warm and toasty. I want to surprise you with a shirt I bought for you even if you hate the color. I want to anticipate how we would spend our money when we hit it big with the lottery. I want to make shadow box after shadow box after shadow box for every single road trip we ever take.

I want to reach over and hold your hand when we are driving. I want to iron your clothes just like you like them. I want to make you feel like the only man alive because in my eyes you’re the only man I see. I know you’re out there. I know my hand will fit perfectly inside of yours. I know there’s a spot on your chest where my head was just destined to nuzzle. I know there’s a place for us. I know there is a story to be told. I know that it will be the greatest love story I have ever read. Until then my love, to be continued

Please know in your heart as I have always done and will always continue to do …I pray for you. I pray that your days are full of blessing. I pray for your strength. I pray for your health. I pray for your joy. I pray for your success. I pray that you are surrounded by family and friends who love and support you. I pray that you moisturize your little elbows too! ;)

Your future Wife,

Ashley

Dear Future Husband 5.15.16

Dear future husband,

Good evening sweet potato! I hope all is well in your little corner of the world...wherever that may be. I hope it's safe to assume your corner of the world isn't in Alabama. If you're in Alabama then darlin I pray that you're the exception because my travels have taken me through places that make me consider the idea of controlled procreation. Honey I am all about football and having team spirit but those Alabama people take it to a whole other level.  If you are from Alabama then please stop looking for me at your family reunion because you'll never get to me at that pace. Bless it.

I almost died this morning. YES. ALMOST DIED. I was driving down the Natchez Trace headed to a local brunch spot and there was an attractive jogger which may or may not have been you...well anywho...I was distracted by his manliness and the way the sunshine glistened off of his sweaty shoulders and out of nowhere BAM a deer ran out in front of me. I looked up just in time to slam on my brakes and was inches from Bambi III's significant other. I was like WHOA DOE! Actually it was more of a scream and then I cried thinking that could've been the moment I died. If that was you jogging then I hope you took a pic of my tag and plan on tracking me down this week.

Speaking of death...babe...I need to get into better shape. If I were murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle. They would "throw dat ass in a circle"... ok I tickled myself on that one. For real though...I need to get with it. I was training for my first 5k and didn't go to it this weekend. Technically it was due to lack of funds but I definitely would've died had I gone. I always meet people when I go running...which is more like jogging..ok walking fast. The people I meet are usually paramedics or concerned neighbors asking why Im lying on the side of the road and warning me that  may be struck by a car. I do however think being struck by a car would be less painful than running and you can just take that to the bank and cash it!

Well I've tried to be proactive about finding you. I am happy and content with my life but I do put myself out there on a little dating site. Sweetheart I just don't know what to think about society anymore. There are those that are super pushy and overwhelming who make me run away because they chase me. There are those that seem to throw more shade than an oak tree. There are those who seem to just like the idea of dating but are too preoccupied with window shopping. THEN there are the ones you can't make up if you tried. For example there is the military vet who led me to believe he had been deployed and just getting home only to find out he was a rapist who had just gotten out of prison which ended his military career. That is always comforting to find out AFTER dinner. There is also the one who seems absolutely normal and perfect on paper until a day before the date and don't answer my phone for an hour because Im at lunch with a girlfriend and I get back to my car to find 5 texts and 4 missed calls. The last one was cancelling  date and using ugly words. Now what in the world am I supposed to do with options like that? Do you see what you've exposed me to?! Crazy does, cardio, sex offenders and psycho hot heads! Your punctuality problem is hardly a flaw after all of that!

As always I pray for your life and your heart daily. I pray that God blesses you and your family and that he guides you to be the man he wants you to be. I pray for your wisdom and discernment. I pray for your health and happiness. I pray for your walk with the Lord as he leads you so you may lead our family someday. I pray that you are surrounded with christian friends and family who uplift you and support you daily. Until I hold you in my arms I will continue to hold you in my heart.

Good night sweetheart!

Love,
Your future Wife
Ashley

#dearfuturehusband #loveletters #love #futurewife

Be Careful

She enchants you with her enigmatic waves of emotion

intriguing you with her indifference

The way she smiles and seemingly stares into your soul

You want to be the one who figures out exactly who she is

Your words fall short to impress her

and she playfully dismisses your charm

You catch a glimpse here and there of pain in her eyes

but just like that she distracts you with a battle of wits

You feel a desire growing within you to know what shes thinking

it quickly grows into a wildfire consuming all logic

She reads to you incerpts until you beg to know every chapter

She is the type of girl who needs space to breathe

She needs room to fly

When she feels contained she gets frightened

She has felt pain no one should endure

She has heard words that have destroyed her faith in love

She has seen things that haunt her dreams at night

You find yourself loathing the day you ever met her

She's disappeared like a brief rain on a summer day

You think of her from time to time and search for her

In time she may land again and you'll have so much to say

She may explain who she is and why her walls are high

She may warn you that she's no good for you

You'll be helpless to listen and mistake it for fear

Your expectations and pursuit will drive you insane

You can't have a heart like hers. You may only hold it for a while.

You'll grow to hate her but for what? She told you who she was

Your conquest broke your heart not she.

Until Then

Write hard and clear about what hurts - Ernest Hemingway

I have been back and forth trying to decide what to say and how to make this post a positive life lesson but the truth is I'm just posting tonight to purge some things from my mind.  I was speaking with a friend the other night about writing and he said he didn't want to write because it would just seem so negative and that would make people feel worse. I actually think it helps people to simply know they aren't alone in how they feel whether we have some positive motivation that follows or not. When we talk about how we feel sometimes we just need someone to listen. We don't necessarily need advice or encouragement. We just need to purge it so it doesn't poison us. I think that conversation happened for 2 reasons. I think he may have taken something from it and somehow I was going to need to take my own advice. I have been sparing so much because I have come so far that I didn't want anyone thinking that I was not strong. The truth is I'm very strong. I'm very aware that storms come and they go but I am always ok. I am better than ok. I am stronger after every storm that I endure. You need rain to grow just as much as you need sunshine.

With that being said I just need to vent some feelings. Before I do please understand that I am aware of hormones and just day to day blues we sometimes get. I know who I am and what I stand for but I am simply spilling what I'm feeling these days.

We have discussed before how men compartmentalize sex and women struggle with that. I am lonely. I can admit that. I have prospects and I could be married if I wanted to but I wont settle until it feels right. So I'm lonely simply because the right one hasn't come along yet. There are times it hits me hard because I want to feel the butterflies and I want to be kissed. I want to spend an entire weekend in bed making passionate love. Well I've met men who don't even try to get to know me. They aren't looking for a connection they're looking for a hookup and that frustrates me. Then there are those who pretend to want a connection but they always find a way to redirect the conversation to their real agenda. Again I get frustrated. There are men who I connect with and they're looking for friends with benefits and I just can't risk that. I know I will catch feelings if I do so I avoid it. I have gotten to the point of disgust with it all. I'm not seeking these things out they're just there.

I realized where frustration and anger lies. Its my peeve of selfishness. My needs right now are for real connections and intimacy. I'm lonely and I want to connect with genuine people. Here these men are with their hands out wanting to take and take and take from me but they're unwilling to give me what I need in return. I have what they want and they have what I want but they're selfish with their heart or their feelings. They just want me to meet their needs and move along. Those feelings of not being worthy or enough surface. I know better but scars run deep. Words are never forgotten. The pain of feeling that love is not even offered and if so its absolutely conditional and I simply don't meet those conditions. Men are not even thinking this much into it. Its simple for them. They want it and they ask. They are not responsible for how it makes me feel inside. It isn't their fault that I am broken. I am not angry at them for that. I just don't give myself away. They don't understand this.

What I struggle with is the idea of "what if". What if I just throw caution to the wind and go with the flow and things develop out of a casual friends with benefits situation? Well that would be great but then What if I fall hard and I'm left to get over it or walk away because I was told what it was in the beginning? When you've been through the pain I've endured and you've pulled it together then the risk is higher. You aren't so willing to gamble. I may be lonely but I'm ok. I'm not heartbroken. I just can't bring myself to allow someone to use me and hope that my needs of intimacy are met in return. I just have so much more self worth than that.

I think another factor to consider is that I'm an INFJ personality type. I'm one of the rare people. I can read people and situations extremely accurately. I know when people have other agendas. I know how to read conversations and how people steer them to bring up certain topics. I know how people feel by how they reply or pay attention. I pick up on the things they notice and tune into. All of these context clues tell me who they are where their intentions lie. Those that intrigue me and want to figure me out are the ones that captivate me. I'm very passionate and I feel things deeply. I may be snarky and sarcastic. My humor is inappropriate at times. I may even appear to be shallow but I am not. All it takes to get to the center of my soul is to be genuine and have a desire to travel there. I will know if you are or aren't. I may not have any fact or proof to base my intuitions on but they're accurate and if something doesn't feel right I don't wait around to uncover it. I walk away.

When I do meet someone genuine and they're interested in me as well then I get my hopes up because it's so rare that it happens. When it doesn't pan out then I'm rightfully disappointed. What I have experienced in this department is that I'm not the chosen one. Adults date until they find someone who they can't get enough of. More often than not men chose someone else and months later they recycle back around and tell me they made a mistake. I will never allow myself to be an option. I couldn't fall for someone knowing I wasn't good enough the first time. I don't want you to just settle for 2nd best. I know when a man's response time slows down. I can sense the distance. I know when there is doubt. I feel the sting of short and simple texts just to keep me around until he figures this thing out. I just remove myself.

So there it is. Selfishness and Ingenuity are plaguing my life. They're the road block to every relationship in my life. Those 2 things and just the understanding that I'm not everyone's cup of tea or shot of whiskey. It's just a moment of feeling the distance between myself and the love of my life. It's knowing that he's out there somewhere and I'm here needing him in my life but frog after frog clutter my path. I'm not man hating. I know men go through this as well. I'm just frustrated because I have needs that I can't meet. I have a void that I can't fill on my own. I'm independent and I'm self sufficient but I need love and I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cry myself to sleep some nights because I want someone next to me. I'm not afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve even if it looks like a coat of arms. I may be this spitfire brunette who has all the confidence in the world but I'm at a loss when it comes to this. Until then...

Dear Future Husband 2/23/16

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Dear Future Husband,

Good evening dollface. I am currently on a flight from Dallas to Jackson and I thought I would write to you. I spent the last few days at a business conference in Scottsdale, AZ. I had a Villa Suite at the Scottsdale Plaza Resort and I enjoyed the most amazing weather. I enjoyed drinks in the courtyard and had an amazing night on a ranch in La Puesta Del Sol. The landscape and the sky were absolutely breathtaking. As I travel I see different couples going on vacations together or returning home with their families. I wonder about your travels. I wonder if we have passed one another in a busy airport. I think about the vacations we will share in the future. I found myself studying the faces of those who walked by me or spoke to me. I met and networked with many people this week and I enjoyed laughter and intelligent conversations. I sometimes feel guilty that I’m not actively seeking you out but I have to remind myself that it’s not necessary. You’ll pursue me once we meet. When the time is right God will reveal us to one another. One of us may know before the other one does or it may be instantaneous. I think it will feel as though I traveled around the world the second that I lay eyes on you. You will be my forever vacation. You will be my getaway. You will be my amazing weather and drinks by the courtyard. You will be my everything. So tonight wherever you may be whether it be at home asleep in your bed or on a flight from somewhere out West headed down South...just know you are always in my thoughts and I pray for you daily. I pray for your health, your walk with the Lord, your success and your happiness. I pray for your family who supports you and that you are surrounded by Christian friends who are preparing you to be the leader of our home and the husband who will melt my very heart. 

Until then...I love you

Your future wife,

Ashley 

#DEARFUTUREHUSBAND #LOVELETTERS 

Dear Future Husband 1/26/2016

Dear future husband, 

Good evening sweet potato! I pray that you are well and staying warm wherever you may be. I was hoping for a little snow so I could dress up in Wings & a halo to go sledding down the hill near the overpass. Snow angels get their kicks too! So I took myself out this weekend because I said this year I'm going to get out more. I've sort of limited you to being the Central air/heat tech, Comcast tech, meter reader, pizza delivery guy or a Sunday morning grocery shopper. I'm

Pretty sure you weren't any of them although the fire department was in Kroger one morning and if you just so happened to be one of them then I'm certain we locked eyes. Of course by "locked eyes" I mean me staring until you caught me then awkwardly crashing my buggy into the rotisserie chicken display. I know what you were thinking too..."This graceful little good looking thing should be my girlfriend" then dispatch comes on and you're off to save some

Damsel in distress....or a 59year old white male complaining of chest pains, syncope, and blurred vision. Possible myocardial infarction. Wife says he's been this way all morning but fell getting in the car on the way to church (Not that I was even listening to a scanner to figure out where I would run into you again). All jokes aside babe you don't even have to be a fireman. I'm gonna adore you no matter what your occupation is. As long as there is an occupation. Jesus loves the unemployed. Yes HE does. Loves em as much as the employed people. I'm working on being more like Jesus so I met him half way and I love the employed. Ok ok I love all people but I used WWJD to know if Jesus would date someone who refuses to work and Jesus wouldn't so....there ya go. Well I'm sure you know Valentine's Day is coming up or what I like to refer to as Single awareness day which just happens to say "SAD". I just want you to know that you are my valentine whoever and wherever you may be in this world. I just sort of Hope you aren't taking some heifer out on a date that day because you think she might be me. I also hope you don't buy her fruit roll ups and flowers because she's not me. She doesn't deserve them. You'll see. I hope she isn't mean to you. Maybe just that she shaved her eyebrows off and drew them on or her hair smells like that really nasty odor you smell

On occasion driving through Grants Ferry/Castlewoods early in the morning or just at dusk. I just hope you feel that "meh it's just not her" feeling...I mean obviously you will

DUH! Well sugar, I'm about to call it a night but know I'm praying for you as always. May you be successful and productive this week at work. May you be highly

Favored and blessed beyond measure. May you be relieved of any sickness, stress, pain, and doubt you may be going through. I pray that you are surrounded with Christians friends and family who lift you up and encourage your walk with the Lord (He's trying to walk ya on down here to me if you'll

Pay attention). I love you and until we meet stay safe, keep the faith, and an abundance of joy! 

Love, 

Your future wife 

~Ashley~

#DearFutureHusband #LoveLetters 

Dear Future husband 12/15/15

Dear future husband,

So it's almost Christmas and I hope you are having a wonderful holiday. Oh my goodness it just dawned on me you could be an elf! You could be Santa's son! I wonder if he and Mrs Claus had children?! If you're Santa's son hitch a ride on the sleigh this Christmas! What are you waiting for? I watched couples shopping together today and imagined what that will be like with you. My grandfather always found a bench to people watch while my grandmother and I shopped. I wonder if you'll be the same way. I've been baking holiday goodies and I imagine you sneaking in to grab a treat here and there....and maybe my baked goods too 😛. I plan to get out this weekend because I feel like you're tucked away in the crowds somewhere and I'm just never going to get to you if I don't get out of this house. Maybe this weekend is it. Maybe we will finally lock eyes for the first time. Maybe I will hear the name I will one day share. Whether it be this weekend or another 3 years from now I just know in my heart that when it happens there will be no question that we found each other. I get so frustrated and exhausted at the thought of dating and I know I can't be that way or I will never get to you. I just pray that God intervenes and sends you to me without me having to go trough everything I've gone through over the last few years. Sometimes I wonder if I saw your face via Skype for months while you were deployed. I wonder if that last call was the voice of my soulmate. I wonder if you're my angel waiting for me in heaven. God knows I've wondered if you were him many times. If that's so all I ask is for God to lay it on my heart and I will never love another man again. Sweetheart wherever you are and whoever you are just know I pray for you. My heart is full of joy and I'm not lonely. I have faith that when the time is right God will reveal you to me and until that moment just know I claim blessings over you. I pray that your days are filled with people who edify and guide you. I pray that you are surrounded by Christian friends and family who love you. I pray for God's protection over you day and night. I pray that you seek the Lord with all of your heart and prepare yourself to be the leader I know you are. I claim that you are highly favored and chosen. You are respectable and live a life of integrity. I love you.

Your future wife,
Ashley ❤️

#DearFuturehusband #Loveletters

Feminism is blocking your Fairytale

So I know it's been a while and I was going to keep my prayer journal online and I still plan to do that. To be honest no pressing issues have come up to log into a prayer journal. I have just been thankful for my blessings. I really want to reserve it to show how God moves when we ask him for things or to move in our lives. It's no secret I do pray for my future husband daily. When I say I pray for him I am not praying that God will send him because I already know he's out there. I am praying for his needs and his happiness. I am praying for his family as they will be mine someday. I pray that he will be the role model that my boys deserve. I also pray for his heart. I pray that he isn't broken when he finds me. I pray that he will be emotionally available with no distance or timing issues to overcome.

As I read posts on social media I realize that dating has evolved into something that is so jaded. People are so guarded because they've been hurt. They want to love so bad it hurts them just as bad but they can't bring themselves to open up again. Some are so riddled with guilt they don't think they deserve to be loved. Others pretend to be guarded when they know all to well that they wear their hearts on their sleeve. It's a facade. The truth is whether our walls are real or fictitious they come crumbling down when the right one comes along. When I say "right" I don't necessarily mean "the one". I am generally speaking about people who enchant us. People who move us and fill us with hope whether we want it or not. We are helpless to it all. What happens when these people get too close? We start finding reasons to run. It's better to dig for it early on than wait for the disappointment when we are fully invested right? We have all been guilty.

I see posts from women who market themselves as strong independent ladies who "don't need a man just want one".  They post their feminism political agendas. They shout gender equality. They want a man who is willing to do this or that because they think they're entitled to what they want in a man like anyone else is. I disagree with these women. I am opposed to the feminist movement. I think the feminist movement is one of the biggest culprits in the dating world today. Women want to be able to be slutty and sleep around without the double standard simply because men do it. Women want to be on the front line in the military and hold the same job titles as men. Women want to demand all these things that are unnatural. They feel this way because somewhere along the line they have been let down by a man they trusted whether they're conscious of it or not. If they want all these things then why are there special rules given to these women in the military and jobs? You can't have it both ways ladies.

Men are afraid to compliment me, open the door for me, pay for a date because of the feminist movement. They are becoming accustomed to women who prefer this treatment. My desire to be courted is something of the past and it isn't how things are supposed to be. Men are designed to protect and provide. They are made to lead. They thrive on respect, appreciation, and support. Women are designed to nurture, submit/follow, and support. I am not saying every man deserves this respect. I am not saying women aren't capable. I am very intelligent and I am very capable to take care of myself.

Christian men who know their role as a man will love God more than a woman. He will obey him and follow him. Christian women who know their role as a woman will love God more than a man. She will seek him first in everything and obey him. She will submit to him to meet all of her needs. She is to seek a man like this. That man is worthy of respect, appreciation and support. If he is obedient to God then submitting to this man is obeying God as well. Just because you submit doesn't mean you aren't capable. It means you love and respect your spouse to be the leader of the home. When you allow him to rise to his potential in this way his needs will always be met. He will feel like a man. He will thrive and lead your family. You may not always agree with him but you respect and support him regardless. You pray for him daily and encourage him. He will adore you for this and your needs will be met as a woman.

I am not saying you have to quit your job and stay home raising babies. Times have changed and if it requires that both spouses work then so be it. When I say gender roles I mean the Lead/follow roles. If you make a man feel like the only man alive when he comes home then he will want to be there. Both spouses should live selflessly and put God first in everything. When you discuss issues it should be at the table in the kitchen and not your bedroom. Your bedroom should be reserved for alone time and intimacy. It should be where you both hold one another and pray together. Greet him at the end of the day with a hug and a kiss. Cook for him and run his bath or shower. Throw his towel in the dryer so its warm when he steps out. Massage him and let him relax. When he wants to be alone don't follow him. Don't nag. Once you tell him something he knows. If there is a honey do list then write it on a chalkboard in the kitchen and allow him the time to work on things as he can and praise him for it when he does. Never disrespect him especially in public. If you disagree then you save it until you are alone. Be open with intimacy to explore things he enjoys. Make him a priority. Do the things you did to win his heart and never stop. You are too tired to have sex? Then you need to rearrange your priorities and cut something out so that you aren't too tired for your husband. Tell him how proud you are that he provides for your family. Tell him how much your appreciate his faithfulness and dedication to you. Tell him that you respect how he always puts you and the family ahead of his needs. Tell him how safe he makes you feel.

If you want a man like this then make a list of what you are looking for in a spouse. Read your bible and seek God. He will show you what a Godly man looks like. When you are dating look for character traits in the actions not just the charming words you hear. If a man walks up to you and asks you out then he is assertive and brave. He knew the risk of rejection was there but rather than being cowardly he faced it because he was interested in you. Allow a man to open a door for you and take you on a real date. Allow him to pick you up and drop you off. Get back to the anxious feeling of a goodnight kiss. Look forward to flowers and love notes. It's not about a chase its about a man who is willing to pursue you as Christ did. When he opens the door and lets you in then lean over and open his from the inside. When he pays for dinner or a movie thank him for the wonderful evening. When he shows up with flowers brag on him for being so thoughtful. Allow him to be the man he was designed to be. Show him what it feels like to meet those expectations in a woman. He will feel like a respected gentlemen  and you will feel like an adored princess.

You are after all a princess and he is after all your prince charming because you are both children of the King. If you seek him first and obey him in all that you do then you will live happily ever after.

Dear Future Husband 11/28/15

Dear future husband,

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving wherever you were! I also hope that you are a Mississippi State fan and are somewhere cheering them on in the egg bowl! It's ok if you aren't...I don't expect you to be PERFECT. I am decorating the house for Christmas and I was just hanging our stockings. I think I will hang an extra one for you this year just so you know that I haven't given up hope. I hope you aren't mad at me for listening to that jerkface when he told me that he was you! I totally think you should beat him up for impersonating you. You should be proud to know that I put God first and kept my focus on him through all of that and he protected my heart for you. I realize now that people will use my faith and anything else to get to me for whatever reason. As long as I keep my eyes on what is important I don't have to worry about that. I find myself wondering what you are doing right now. Are you mixing a drink and talking with your friends? Are you driving and getting lost in a song? Are you working and counting down the hours until you're home? Are you ringing your cowbell? That's it isnt it? I knew it! ;) Wherever you are I hope that you know I still pray for you and your family whatever you may be doing and wherever you may be. I pray in detail. I pray for your thoughts and your faith. I pray for whatever ails you. I pray that your family and friends support whatever it is that you are doing with your life. I pray that you think of me and what I may look like or what I may be doing. I pray that you have peace knowing that I'm not rushing into and out of whirlwind romances just for the sake of loneliness. I hope you know that I'm waiting patiently but expectantly to kiss your face. Until that day comes please keep your faith in me.

Love,

Your Future Wife

Ashley

#dearfuturehusband #loveletters

Dear Future Husband 11/1/2015

Dear future husband,

Good afternoon darling. I hope your Sunday is treating you well. I want you to know that I still pray for you everyday. I know God is blessing you and I have faith that you know who I am. God has laid it on my heart to tell you that you are safe with me. Your heart is something I plan to take very good care of because I intend on exchanging yours with mine. I want to love you past your pain. I want to be the place you call home. I want to pray for you and hold you until every doubt disappears. It isn't easy allowing yourself to be vulnerable especially when your heart has been broken but we all come from a place of brokenness. It is through God's love and infinite grace that we are made whole again. I will never disrespect you. I will never let hateful words escape my lips. I will never be dishonest. I will always be loyal to you and grateful for you. I will always tell you how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate all you do. I will support you and lift you up when you feel tired. I will hold you close to me when you need rest. God blesses us in countless ways. He often blesses us by sending people into our lives to meet the needs we have. I want to know you and I want to be that blessing for you. I pray that when you find me that you wont be afraid. I pray that you will not doubt me. I pray that you will not distance yourself from me. If you run I will still be here praying for you. If you are scared then I will wait patiently until you know that I will not bring you any harm. Take your time sweetheart. You've certainly waited this long to find me ;) I am used to waiting on you by now. Until then just know I am praying for you and I live with expectancy.

1 John 4:18-19
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.

Love your future wife,
Ashley

Following Jesus on his Terms

So on facebook this morning I shared a post from 2 years ago through the "On this day app". It was the music video of Chris Sligh singing "Empty Me" which I have shared for you below. The song has always moved me especially when he sings "cause everything is a lesser thing compared to you compared to you". We are to empty ourselves of anything that hinders us from fully submitting our lives to God and ask to be filled with him. 

Tonight at church we went over what it means to really "Follow Jesus". We can't follow him on our terms we have to follow him on his terms. We have to be willing to sacrifice anything that he asks of us to follow him. We have to follow him unconditionally. We read Luke 9:57-62 and I have broken these verses down for you in red. 

Luke 9:57-62New International Version (NIV)

The Cost of Following Jesus

57 As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”

58 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

The man is saying I will follow you where you go and Jesus is saying to him "Oh really? Will you give up the comforts of your home and your life? I am homeless. Will you really go ANYWHERE I go? Are you really willing to do without for me? 

59 He said to another man, “Follow me.”

But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”

60 Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”

Keep in mind here that Jesus knew the hearts of people and their minds. He knew where their hearts really were and where their priorities and motives lie. Jesus knew that this man was really going home to wait for his father to die so he could reap his inheritance. Jesus was telling him that he must devote himself to eternal things not earthly things. He needed to focus on what God wants him to do rather than what he wants to do. 

61 Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”

62 Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Jesus is talking about divided loyalties here. Plowmen required focusing their attention straight ahead so that the crop rows were straight. If they were to look back they would lose control of the oxen and plow. Jesus needs for us to be focused on him at all times and not on other things. The loyalty must be undivided. He is first. 

A really difficult task would be to take an inventory of your terms in regards to following Jesus. Ask ourselves "WHO'S TERMS AM I LIVING BY?" Make a list titled "Would I follow Jesus if..." then list difficult situations. Don't just list the ones you know you'd be willing to sacrifice but list the ones you are trying to tuck away. Remember Jesus knows our hearts. I am not saying he will demand these things of us but if you're heart is truly willing to follow him and say "no matter what I will follow you" then he will grant the desires of your heart. He knows. 

The purpose for this is found in Luke 9: 23-25

23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?

If we choose to follow him we must give up our life to him. We have to be willing to pay the cost to follow him because he paid the ultimate cost. He gave his life for us so that we may eternal life. The only way to that eternal life is by following Jesus Christ. We follow him on his terms. You see its a trade. He died for us therefore we should die to ourselves for him. His will before our desires. He is a God of abundance and he wants to bless us. He doesn't want us to be miserable or do without. We simply must be willing to take up that cross and do without should he ever ask us to. That is what fully submitting is. That is trusting in him. 

Just this week I was talking to this amazing man in my life about the ropes course with the fire department. He made the statement that it's all about trusting your equipment to not let you fall. That my friends is called faith. When you go to sit down in a chair you don't test it first. You just sit down with the faith that it will hold you up. When you wake up in the morning and place your feet on the floor you don't test it to make sure it will withstand your weight. You stand. We must put this same faith in God and trust that what he says is the voice of truth. This is a matter of life and death. Eternal life or eternal damnation. He is worth the cost. The value of following Jesus is worth everything because without him we will die anyway. That is what Luke 9:23-25 is telling us. If we try to hold on to our lives (living for self) then we will lose it. If we follow Jesus then we will have life in eternity. That is the treasure. 

Phillippians 3: 8-9 tells us that everything is a lesser thing compared to Jesus. Just like the song I posted this morning...God is revealing his truth to me by reiterating it in this lesson

8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.

Where your treasure is there your heart will follow Matthew 6:21 **Jesus is our treasure

Read these Parables in Matthew 13

The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl

44 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

If Jesus is our treasure then we will follow him. This is further explained by the parables in Matthew 13: 44-46. These people gave up EVERYTHING to possess the treasure they found. That is what we are to do to possess Jesus Christ (our Treasure) (Life). 

Jesus will not share us and he should not have to. He sacrificed his life because he loves us just that much. There is nothing of more value than him. Everything is a lesser thing compared to him so I surrender all. Empty me of me so I can be filled with you!