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Monday, January 20, 2014

The Hunt

I had another epiphany. I was looking at a picture of a hunter and it dawned on me that men are natural hunters. They have these natural instincts of hunting and being competitive. Some men hunt to eat while others hunt for sport but there's a little bit of both in each. I realized that once I look at the nature of men in a general sense then it would be easy to understand how these things coincide with dating. Men fall in love in phases. 

Phase 1- Physical Attraction: He sees you and he likes what he sees.

Phase 2- Scouting: Men can be attracted (see phase 1) to many women but they will respond to those who reciprocate that interest. Men have no emotional connection to you at this point. He simply wants to know if he pursues that there may be a response from you. If you show no interest he will simply move on to the next woman that he is attracted to.

Phase 3- The Chase: This is when the man knows you welcome his advances and he begins to move directly into Phase 4. 

Phase 4- Impression: This is when the man wants to impress you. He is showing you how worthy he is through dates, gifts, flowers, and wooing you with pretty words. This is when we begin to develop feelings but the man is far from that even though he is doing all of these things. Remember he is still just attracted and this is a challenge for him. He doesn't have you just yet. Hes working towards winning you over.

Phase 5- Making You Love him:  This is the utmost achievement for the man. He wants to know he has made you fall for him. Everything up to this point is simply to prove to you that he is the right man for you.  This is where things get a little complicated because he was either not being 100% himself but rather what he knew you wanted or he never wondered if you're right for him since his main conquest up until this point was to impress you based on his initial attraction. Now he starts to really evaluate things and decide if you are what he wants long term, how he feels about you, will he be happy with you, what does he want. A man can simply walk away at this point for any reason he comes up with in his mind that tells him you aren't quite the one or because he thinks he may be able to do better. He will either allow himself to fall at this point or he will become distant and walk away.

Now this is the cold hard truth! Its just how men are designed. This is the reason why I got so caught up in men before and believed all the things they said only to have them seemingly change their mind and walk away with no explanation or used the cliche lines "I'm scared" or "I'm just not ready". Its all BS because the fact is I didn't wow them enough or I didn't have something they were looking for. Once they reached the satisfaction of the pursuit they moved on. All the time we've spent over analyzing those situations and wondering what we did wrong is pointless. Men seek a challenge. This is why it is important to know who you are as a woman and what you want. Keep your options open and stay busy. If men are after you then you have options and a man wants to win over the heart of that woman. This is the competitive nature in him. 

Its hard to keep the allure and chase going as a woman when you really feel a connection with a man. You want him to know but the truth is you can't reveal everything right away. You have to keep him wanting more every time. You must be yourself but this is why it is important to set boundaries and rules. This is also why it is important to move slowly. If you peak too soon with a man then what does he have to work for?  If you're easy to catch then he may think he can do better. Know your worth and be confident. Just because a man chooses to walk away after he's evaluated the situation doesn't mean you are the problem. You may know you're perfect together but you can't convince a man and the more you try the more he will resist and it is a turn off I can assure you. You simple accept it with grace and move on afterall you are a woman with options.