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Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The eyes are the windows to the soul


 
What do you see when you look into my eyes?
 
I walked into a store this morning and an older Indian man stopped me as soon as I handed him my money and he said that my eyes were deep. He could tell that I had seen many sorrows in my time and that he’s never seen someone so young with eyes that held many stories like mine. I was frozen for a moment. I have never encountered anything like that before. I didn’t know what to say. I stood there for what felt like minutes but probably only a few seconds and I told him they have but I’m a spitfire. I’m not sure if he knew what that meant. I told him to have a nice day and I got into my car. I drove away looking in the mirror at my eyes. I searched for what he saw but I couldn’t see it. When I look into my own eyes I feel pain. I don’t know where the source is but it was a weary feeling. Am I truly a broken soul? Is it possible that I am a marked woman? Here I am feeling like I’m on the verge of experiencing passion and romance again in my life and standing on my own two feet as a single mother of two little boys. Is it possible that people see through my smile and laughter into my life further? I felt as naked as the day that I was born. I feel so vulnerable and exposed. I feel like there is nowhere to run and hide right now. I can suppress all the pain I’ve felt. All those stories he referred to are tucked away. I need for someone to create a little corner in their heart for me to hide and feel safe for a while. I need to not be so strong right now. I need someone to be strong for me. I’m waving the white flag and I’m saying that I do need someone. I do need to just be held and purge the tears I’ve been fighting. I need to cleanse my eyes of the secrets they are revealing. Tears cleanse the soul.