I'm a Southern Belle...redefined. I am a dreamer. As a child I talked to the Man in the Moon. It was an outlet for my thoughts, poems, and lyrics. You are now my Man in the Moon.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
So I have noticed a pattern that Im typically drawn into intriguing conversations with pragmatic men. I have said this on more than one occasion. Im currently researching why this could be happening. Im not sure what exactly it is that lures me other than the intrigue we both seem to share. It's almost an intense combative yet passionate force that is undeniable. The problem is that pragmatic men are often non emotive and my emotional needs will suffer so a healthy relationship is just not ideal in this situation. I decided to take the test for which love style I identify with the most. I told someone before I took this test that I seem to identify with all of them and as you can see my predictions were right. I will agree with main love style being Eros as I am a hopeless romantic. I do believe I have pin pointed the reason so many men call me an ENIGMA. I offer just a little bit of it all in one and I'm not easy to read. This definitely explains the allure and the pursuit because men love a challenge but it seems that my attraction is ill fated on the one type of man who will always leave me feeling a bit empty. There you have it...I am drawn to impossible men. Whether it is because I've always had to work and seemingly prove myself worthy of love or have I always had to exhaust these efforts because of my personal desire to make this one type of man love me. For the first time in my life I actually understand the perplexed feeling of figuring me out that men have tried to do for so long.
At various times, everyone takes on different aspects of each of the love styles. No one is just one style or another. However, we each have styles that we may tend towards more than the others.
The Eros lover is characterized by passion, though a passion broader than just a physical one. The Eros lover tends to be drawn toward a preferred physical type, and thus there may be an immediate recognition or "aha" when meeting a potential love partner. This lover is intense and wants to be involved with a partner on all levels, becoming physically affectionate (and intimate), talking for hours, and learning all about the partner. The Eros lover is fully and openly "present," is self-confident and trusting, and balances intensity with an appropriate sense of boundaries.
Erotic lovers view marriage as an extended honeymoon, and sex as the ultimate aesthetic experience. They tend to address their lovers with pet names, such as "sweetheart" or "honey." An erotic lover can be perceived as a hopeless romantic. Those of other love styles may see erotic lovers as unrealistic, or trapped in a fantasy.
The advantage of erotic love is the sentimentality of it. It is very relaxing to the person doing it. The disadvantage is the inevitableness of the decay in attraction, and the danger of living in a fantasy world. In its extreme, eros can resemble naivete.
The Ludus lover, in contrast, is not interested in intensity, but rather experiences love as a game to be played for mutual enjoyment but not necessarily with any serious outcome in mind. Ludic lovers do not have a preferred physical type. Although ludic lovers may be in a partnered relationship with someone, ludic love is best played with several partners at a time, so that different people may be enjoyed for different qualities, in different activities, with no one person or relationship taking precedence over another. A ludic lover may hurt a partner inadvertently, but the goal is to enjoy relationships with a variety of people, with everyone having fun and no one getting hurt.
Ludic lovers are players. More interested in quantity than quality of relationships, ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. Ludic lovers choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from break-ups.
Ludic lovers generally view marriage as a trap, and are the most likely of the love styles to commit infidelity. They might view children as a sign of fertility, or, if male, a confirmation of their masculinity. They regard Sex as a conquest or a sport, and they engage in relationships because they see them as a challenge.
The advantage of ludic love is excellent sexual technique. The disadvantage is the likelihood of infidelity. In its extreme form, ludic love becomes promiscuity.
The Storge lover is someone who builds a love relationship on a strong base of friendship. The goal is: A companionable, secure, trusting relationship with a partner who is similar in terms of attitudes and values. This similarity is much more important to Storge than physical appearance or sexual satisfaction because this orientation to love is more likely to seek long-term commitment rather than short-term excitement. (S. Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992, p. 65)
Storgic lovers are friends first. Storgic love develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can endure beyond the breakup of the relationship. Storgic lovers choose their mates based on homogamy, and sometimes cannot pinpoint the moment that friendship turned to love. Storgic lovers want their significant others to also be their best friends.
Storgic lovers place much importance on commitment, and find their motivation to avoid committing infidelity is to preserve the trust between the partners. Children and marriage are seen as legitimate forms of their bond. Sex is of lesser importance than in some of the other love styles.
The advantage of storgic love is the level of intimacy between the partners. The disadvantage is boredom and lack of passion.
The Pragma lover is all that the name implies, including practical and pragmatic. A Pragma lover may or may not have a preferred physical type, but he or she will surely have a virtual (or actual) shopping list of qualities sought in a partner. This type of lover may profit from working with a matchmaker or a computer dating service, in which inappropriate relationship candidates will be screened out. "The pragmatic lover isn't looking for great excitement and drama, but, rather, for a suitable partner with whom a satisfying, rewarding life can be built" (S. Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992, p. 66).
Pragmatic lovers are practical. Pragmatic lovers think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a partner, and select them via comparison shopping or shopping-list love. Pragmatic lovers want to find value in their partners, and ultimately want to work with their partner to reach a common goal.
Pragmatic lovers will avoid infidelity to avoid adverse consequences, and carefully weigh the costs and rewards of a relationship. Pragmatic lovers view sex as a reward or a means of procreation, and view marriage and children as potential liabilities and assets.
The advantage of pragmatic love is practicality and realism. The disadvantage is undemonstrativeness and lack of emotion. In its extreme form, pragma can become prostitution.
The Mania lover is also aptly characterized by the love style name, in that emotional highs and lows, as well as dependence, possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity are typically present. A manic lover yearns for a love relationship but finds it elusive, because she or he seems compelled to push for commitment from a partner, does not really trust the commitment even if it is forthcoming, and is always afraid that the partner will find someone else. Another aspect of Mania is physical symptoms, such as difficulty eating or sleeping. Overall, the Mania lover always seems to be looking for the cloud around the silver lining.
Manic lovers often have low self esteem, and place much importance on their relationship. Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners. Love is a means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers often discover their partners by haphazard means.
Manic lovers will avoid committing infidelity if they fear discovery. They view marriage as ownership, and children as either competition or a substitute for their lover. Sex is a reassurance of love. Manic lovers are often anxious or insecure, and can be extremely jealous. Manic lovers respond well to therapy, and often grow out of this style.
The advantage of manic love is intensity. The disadvantage is jealousy, obsessiveness, and insatiability. In its extreme, mania becomes addiction or codependency.
The Agape lover is the rarest type of lover. Agape is characterized by altruism, such that the partner's welfare is more important than one's own welfare, and what one can give in a relationship is more important than what one gets. Indeed, Agape has much in common with compassionate love. The idealism of Agape means that there is no one preferred physical type in a partner, and indeed, sensuality and sexuality are likely to be much less important than more spiritual qualities. Although pure Agape is unlikely to exist on the physical plane of this world, agapic qualities are extremely important as relationships encounter inevitable ups and downs.
Agapic love is self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love. Agapic lovers are often spiritual or religious people. Agapic lovers view their partners as blessings, and wish to take care of them.
Agapic lovers will remain faithful to their partners to avoid causing them pain, and will often wait patiently for their partners after a break-up. Marriage and children are sacred trusts, and sex is a gift between two people. Agapic love believes itself to be unconditional, though lovers taking an agapic stance to relationships risk suffering from inattention to their own needs.
The advantage of agapic love is its generosity. A disadvantage is that it can induce feelings of guilt or incompetence in a partner. In its deviant form, agape becomes martyrdom