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Sunday, December 29, 2013

Hard Rules

2013 has been a year of self discovery for me. With all the highs and lows I've learned so much and seemingly have taught a little along with way. I look back on circumstances I thought I'd never get over and realize that they've tattooed my heart. People like me love with everything we have and give with everything we have. We get broken because we put ourselves out there. It wasn't until recently I learned risk management in a healthy way. I don't have to build walls. Hell I couldn't if I tried. Its just not in me. I'm a writer and a dreamer. Words captivate me and always have. It was words that led me to fall quickly and have unrealistic expectations of people because words are just that. They are nothing without action. Integrity is a dying quality in today's society and I have to face the facts that a man's word isn't everything anymore. My old fashioned values have left me pursuing a needle in a haystack and to be quite honest with you I like that. I've really thought I found him a few times this year and he abandoned me every time. His words failed him. I have a friend who talked to me about minimizing my risk. He asked me to come up with 4 hard rules that if broken I walk away. He said that I need to make those rules clear so that there is no confusion. The more I thought on this concept I realized the rules were for me. The rules were set to make sure I knew my boundaries. I'm not getting any younger and I know what I want this is make sure I don't waste my time on any man who doesn't want the same things in life as I do. The problem before was that they told me everything I wanted to hear. If I had these rules set in place back then their words would've fallen short from the door because they never backed them up. Once I've "pre-qualified" a man and deemed him "husband" material  these are my hard rules. These are not to be confused with my dating rules which I will discuss in another blog.

1. Do not lie to me. This includes withholding information or skating around the truth. Any form of dishonesty/deception will result in me saying goodbye.

2. I will not maintain an unequal relationship. If I am constantly feeling like I care more or I am exhausting more effort than he is I will end it. We should both want it as much as the other and make the other feel secure by our actions and communication.

3. Communication is a must. I'm not saying you have to call/text 24/7 because we all need our space and have other responsibilities but communicating so the other person knows they are thought of and not being avoided is necessary. If you cant talk or simply do not feel like talking for any reason then send a quick text explaining that and we are good. That leaves no room for fear, doubt, over-thinking and confusion to set in. It is important to keep the other person feeling secure about the status of the relationship and its progression. This helps to build and keep trust. If you go long periods of time without talking to me or barely put in effort communicating with me then I will walk away because this also falls into #2

4. This should be a given but just to be clear. I will not compete with another woman for your attention. If you like to chat with other women and "hangout" with other women this will not work. No explanation required.

5. If you do not treat me with respect then I will walk away. If you want a lady then treat me like one. There is a way to speak to me if you're upset about something and raising your voice, your hand or using cuss words towards me is unacceptable. I will never disrespect a man or treat anyone like that and I expect the same.

If I stick to these rules then the relationship should be able to progress into something long term but if these simple rules can not be respected then he is wasting my time and is not the type of man I seek as a spouse.

~Thank you Will for your wisdom! The strongest people seek counsel rather than trying to be self reliant!~