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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

We're all a little jaded aren't we?


You know I’ve hated how being jaded has caused me to question people who only want to get close to me.  I mean they can’t possibly be genuine or real.  I’ve fallen for those lines before.  I’ve fallen hard and haven’t been caught.  If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is right? I over analyze it and other think and question them until they walk away.  Then I’m broken because I ruined it for myself.  I’ve never been on the receiving end of that before.  I never knew what it felt like.  The thing is I instantly recognized it.  All it made me want to do was prove that I’m not going anywhere. That I can love someone past their pain because that’s all I really want.  I want someone who is going to grab me by the arm every time I try to push them away and tell me it’s ok.  I want to be the one that heals someone.  I’ve been there.  I’ve felt pain you couldn’t fathom.  I know and I get it.  The thing is I want people to know me and everything about me because I don’t want issues to be deal breakers later when hearts are involved.  Therefore I wear my heart on my sleeve and tell people exactly how I feel and what I want.  If you don’t like it then that’s fine because we figured it out from the door but if you are interested then my heart swells with hope that you could be the one.  It breaks when its not but I heal and I move on.  I may lie around and bathe in self pity for a while but I can if I want to.  I hate it when I really start to like someone and they say something that makes my chest sting…gah that feeling hurts.  It instantly throws me in to a memory tunnel of heartbreak and my heart says run.  Often I do but some reason I don’t want to anymore.  I’m ready to throw caution to the wind and love with all I have.  Jump and see what happens.