Wednesday, July 20, 2016
You know that passionate feeling of infatuation? The excitement and butterflies every time you're with someone? Those sweet little words of affirmation, texts, calls and pictures? When you're in the process of falling it just feels like you're on top of the world! It's easy to spot those new couples when you're out and about. They're holding hands and laughing. The way they look at one another has "smitten" written all over it. It's also easy to spot those seasoned couples who just seem to coexist. Sure they're out on a date but they're either glued to their phones or staring off in different directions. Their faces paint a different picture. The expression is that of misery or indifference. It's really sad sometimes. Every now and then you'll see an older couple or a married couple who just seem to be head over heels in love. Their body language says it and the way they speak and engage one another confirm it.
People have difference opinions about the "stages" or "life cycle" of a relationship and I want to discuss that. Some people are certain that the "new" wears off and the excitement calms down into something more subtle. Almost a comfort zone if you will. It's not that the couple is unhappy but they no longer feel the need to express their desire anymore because they're committed now and it should be understood. They enjoy the companionship and it just is what it is. Some people swear that you can keep that infatuation and passion alive forever. They believe that you both have to want that more than anything and you both have to work at it every day. I would fall into the second category of people.
Those older couples or happily married couples who are still crazy about one another claim to still get butterflies when they see their spouse across a crowded room. Their heart still races with a single touch and they make sure to never stop courting one another. A relationship is like anything. You get out of it what you put into it. If your home is new and immaculate you're excited about it. You have to keep it up with maintenance and housekeeping duties. You have to pay attention to detail and memorize everything to identify any changes so you can fix it before it gets any worse. If you have a nice figure and are in the best shape of your life then you feel amazing. You have to eat healthy and work out to keep it up. You have to think about what you are doing and what is going into your body in order to maintain or even improve. If you enjoyed your new home but decided the upkeep wasn't necessary then over time it would deteriorate and you wouldn't be so happy to be there. You may even feel overwhelmed like you can never get it back the way it used to be. You may even be right...you may have allowed irreversible damage to occur. If you sported around with your sexy body and decided you could eat anything you wanted and didn't have to work out then you would begin to see changes you don't like. If you continued then you would face obesity and health problems. It could even lead to disease and fatality.
If you have met someone and you are enjoying the process of getting to know them and courting then hold on to that feeling. Never stop doing what it is you are doing to maintain that relationship and it will never become less than what it is. The more you invest into something the more you will get out of it. The important thing to understand is that a relationship takes two people. It isn't something you can maintain all on your own. It's important to discuss boundaries and needs. One of my boundaries is that I will not maintain an unequal relationship. If I ever feel that I want it more or I am expensing more effort then its time to talk and re-evaluate where things are going and if my significant other is even on the same page as I am.
I spent a long time listening to people respond to my blog or even tell me in person that I live in a fairytale world. They would tell me what I am looking for doesn't exist. They would say the real world isn't like that. I would let them talk but all the while I knew who I was. I knew that I was a passionate person who gives 100% and expects nothing less than that in return. I knew it was all about compatibility and finding that other person with the same desire and willingness as I have. Do I believe in bad days? Yes. We all have bad days BUT I believe your partner should be your escape. I think you should be best friends and that is when the other is to be strong for the both of you. These roles are swapped back and forth from time to time. In the end schedules, life, stress, monotony are never an excuse to overlook the effort your relationship requires. You may not feel like going to work everyday but you know if you don't that you will get fired and cant pay your bills. You may not feel like exercising but you know what happens if you don't. You may not feel like cutting your grass but you will have a jungle to clear when and if you ever decide to do it.
There are so many things in life that are just mediocre but love should never be one of those things. I never want to just coexist. I've waited my entire life to find my person and by God when it's the one I will never stop putting forth effort to keep it how it is in the beginning so they never have to mention how it "used to be". I believe if you keep that level of love blindness and never allow yourself to focus on a flaw in your spouse that you will keep them on that pedestal. I believe that if you make sure to tell them just how much they mean to you every day then insecurity can never creep in. I believe that these efforts speak loud and clear saying you matter to me and this matters to me...this is a priority in my life and we are worth it.
It's all about compatibility and having this discussion with your significant other early on. These topics are important. If you aren't on the same page then someone will not have their needs met in the long term. Not everyone cares to have the same things and that is ok. What is not ok is ignoring those facts and thinking you can change someone over time or settling for less when you know it matters to you. These things can be talked about, worked out and sometimes you can come to an understanding where everyone's needs are met. If you find yourself in this situation I encourage you to just express how you feel and put everything on the table!