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Friday, October 2, 2015

Your move now

Being vulnerable is not easy for me. It is easy to blog and say how I feel knowing that the possibility of having those thoughts or feelings dismissed is almost impossible because I am not forcing them on anyone. You choose to read my thoughts therefore you care about what I have to say. Actually telling someone to their face or even through text is scary. There may a reply that breaks my heart. There may not be a reply at all. Indifference hurts just as much if not more. I can get over a rejection but I can’t get over knowing I wasn’t worth an answer at all. I have don’t exceptionally well with keeping myself somewhat guarded. I get my feelings hurt and roll with the punches. I don’t really expose my true feelings until I am comfortable that I know they will be reciprocated.

With all that being said here I am standing before you. I am holding my heart in my hand. It is beating and bleeding and raw. I am offering what is left of it to you. I am vulnerable and hoping that you don’t leave me standing here wishing I had never dropped my guard like I have. I cant make you want me and I can’t make you love me but I can try. It is torment when I find what I have been looking for and it just outside of my reach. It aches inside to know you are right here in front of me and can’t see that I would love you until I draw my last breath. It hurts even more to consider that you may know yet do not desire me in the same way.

Here I am. Please know that is so much coming from me. Your move.