Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Sweetheart I pray for you
Well after being swept off my feet and let down I had a real moment of clarity over the past couple of days. I accept my defeats with grace but that doesn't mean I don't hurt. I've never hidden my emotions from those of you who know me or who follow my blog.
I never use names in my blog so we shall call him "Jack" and I laugh as I type that. Only he and I would get that but it's from the movie "Tropic Thunder". Anyway "Jack" and I talked after this emotional roller coaster slowed down. I have blogged about how men cope with emotions and sorting their feelings out yet it seems to escape my mind like fireflies when the top is off of the mason jar. I gave him space to sort out his feelings and in my mind I had a million thoughts about why he ran away and became distant. The fact is he just needed reflection. He is so overwhelmed with all that he is dealing with in his life right now.
That is when a bold resolve gripped me by the shoulders and I knew my role as a woman in any relationship. I am to pray for this man and support him selflessly. I don't know that he is the one that God has in his will for me but at the same time I don't know that he isn't. Regardless my focus is to remain on God's love for me and as a Christian woman I am to pray for him diligently. I pray for my future husband day and night.
I pray for "Jack". I let him know I am here for him to talk to and to be a shoulder. I am here to edify him when the world seems to thumb him down. I am here to remind him that he is a wonderful man of God and he is loved and he has a purpose. I am here to cheer him on as he fights the fight of faith. He appreciates that and my heart breaks for him. I wish I could take all the stress away and make it better but this is his journey. This is where he grows. I always thought I would meet the one and it would effortlessly unfold before me like the pages of every fairy tale I've ever read.
I know a woman who knew in her heart who her husband was before he knew. She was broken but she prayed. She said most often the women know before the man and it is our role to simply be patient. It is my place to prepare myself to be the wife he deserves. It is my place to focus on God as he primes us for the future. It is my place to love. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
He came back to me. He opened up and poured out his thoughts and feelings. He confessed that everything he said looking into my eyes was true. He simply didn't know how to process everything at once and he had to remove himself from the chaos and reflect. He feels vulnerable. How raw and beautiful is that? How blessed am I to be given such a precious gift! God knows his heart deserves a strong woman who will patiently walk beside him until he no longer feels fear.
I love with all I am because it is he only way to love. I don't care about the risk because that is acknowledging fear. Fear is not of God it is of the devil. I have faith in the Lord that he will restore all of the years both "Jack" and I have been broken in loveless relationships. The Lord is so faithful and he is a God of abundance. He blesses us beyond anything we can ever imagine. I am sharing this with you all because I want you to follow and see how God moves if you allow him to. I want the world to know the power of love and faith.
To be continued...