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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

I AM A PROVERBIAL WOMAN


You know it's funny that I've blogged all about my philosophies regarding relationships, gender roles, gender habits, and life lessons. I've researched and I know there is truth to alot of it. The funny thing is when its in your face you forget all logic. Love can be so blinding! I blogged about meeting a great guy and really feeling the potential there. While there is still potential he definitely hit the brakes. I found myself wondering what I did wrong. I racked my brain trying to figure out how he went from intense pursuit to distancing himself. That is when I came to my senses and remembered how men pursue...

The blog post was called "THE HUNTER". It was about the stages men fall in love (or opt out). Men pursue hard core at first. They say anything and everything to make you interested and you feel elated at the charm raining down on you! I was smiling so much my face hurt. It was intense really fast and logically we were just excited at the possibility and the connection we felt. That's ok though. It was sweet and it was fun. After they "catch you" then they feel satisfied at their accomplishment and they relax a little. They take a step back and evaluate things. This is when they really decide if they want you. Up until this point it was simply to make sure you wanted them. Once I realized this is how things are then I took a step back and relaxed myself. I know what's going on. He has to decide whether or not he wants me in his life and if I'm a good fit for him. We all have needs and desires. I know that we are compatible from my standards but he has to determine whether or not I am according to his. He doesn't have children and he wants them. He is afraid that I may not be able to give him any more. I have assured him I can but he has to come to this acceptance. He is worried about how his life will be changed by dating a woman with 2 little boys. He has to ease into this slowly and feel comfortable. The last thing I want is a man in my life who loves me but not my children so I am giving him space to feel his way around this.

At first I was disheartened. I met someone amazing and he can choose to walk away at anytime. He can decide that I'm not worth the effort. He can opt for an easier mate. He can choose a younger woman with no children and be happy with her. The fact is that is a risk with anyone. At any time we can give our heart and open our lives up to someone and they can reject us. I know who I am and what I have to offer someone. If he opts to walk away then of course my heart will break but I will be ok. I am emotionally healthy and stable. I am who I am and I love my life. I want to share it with someone who is emotionally available and willing to love not only me but my children unconditionally.

I have put this in God's hands. I started a 14 day prayer guide for MY FUTURE HUSBAND whoever he may be. I am praying daily for him and I am studying God's word. While I was emotional one night and crying I prayed for peace. That is when I saw this scripture. God not only revealed it to me but as I shared it on social media the responses were actually affirmations that God intended for me to read it and focus on it. I love when he speaks to me.
She is clothed with strength and dignity
She laughs without fear of the future
Proverbs 31:25

 I love when he pours out his love and mercy onto me. Just as that charm of a prospective love rained down on me so does God's grace! I pray that he is the one who will CHOOSE my boys and I. I pray that he is the one that will CHOOSE to love me in spite of the effort. I pray that he will CHOOSE to be the man we need in our lives. I pray this because I would CHOOSE to be the woman who supports him as the leader of our home. I would CHOOSE to love him as a Godly woman is supposed to love, honor, and obey her husband. If he is not the one for me that only means there is a man out there looking for us who is even more amazing and right now I can't even imagine that because I think this one is pretty special. I hold on to my faith that God will bless me with a man that I deserve and right now I am claiming that I have found him because I live my life with expectancy. It is better to live with hope and expect great things than to worry...I will laugh and be joyful WITHOUT FEAR OF THE FUTURE!