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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I CHOOSE HIM.


So the moment we have all been waiting for...I met a guy! I'm sure if you've always followed me you know that I haven't shared something like this before in this context anyway. Granted it's in the infancy stage but I really have a feeling about this one. Obviously I have a feeling or I wouldn't dare jump the gun and put it out here. I don't want to look like a fool and when I've met people before something always told me to wait before I dropped my guard completely or expected it to go anywhere. This time I've tossed caution to the wind. I refuse to over think. I refuse to analyze. I refuse to worry about tomorrow. I'm living for today. I'm choosing to put my hope in this. I'm choosing to trust him in spite of the past. I'm choosing to drop my guard and open up to him. I'm choosing to give 100% of myself with no expectancy of him doing the same. I'm risking my heart because I think he's worth it. I'm taking a chance on love because I have always said you have to risk it all to gain something great. I'm choosing him.

This is what love is all about. It isn't just about the infatuation...those butterflies and elation we feel. It isn't just about romance and passion. It isn't about dates and gifts. It isn't just about late night phone calls and sweet text messages. Love is a choice when these things start to become routine or rare. It's saying I love you in spite of. It's saying I will never stop choosing you. It's acknowledging the fact that as humans our life is a constant series of choices one after the other setting forth reactions and circumstances. We may any day choose to walk away but we refuse to give up on love. We vow to choose this person when this person may not be so lovable. We choose this person when doubt ourselves and don't want to be loved. Walking away is never an option. That is love. Life isn't easy. We know that is an understatement but we all need someone to lessen the load. A shared burden is lighter. We all need a cheerleader to support us and push us to do our best. We all need someone to laugh with and talk with. We all need someone that we can run to when the world tears us apart and their arms make the wold disappear. When we think our dreams and goals are impossible we all need someone showing us that nothing is impossible. This is what I will always be to the ones I love and this is all I pray that I will have in return.

 I have prayed for a certain kind of love my entire life and I have always settled for less than that until now. I've stayed single because I refused to accept less than I deserve. I refused to be treated less than I deserve to be treated. I've met a man who holds every quality I've been praying for. He isn't perfect because none of us are but he seems to be perfect for me and that's all that matters. I've been praying since we met. I've prayed for him and I've asked God to really show me who he is. I have gotten nothing short of a resolve in my heart that this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now and he is exactly who I think he is. I am choosing to give him my heart because I have faith that God has brought this man into my life to restore my faith in true love. Everything is so new and to some maybe we are "jumping the gun" so to speak but I think this is how it feels when we just blindly love as we should. This is how it feels to just let go and enjoy it for what it is. Who wrote these rules about time frames, acceptable expectations, and what/when/how/where we can feel what it is that we feel? I don't care about other's opinions of this. I simply want to bathe in its beauty and enjoy it. I've waited so long to feel this way and I'm not about to let it pass me by. If I get my heart broken then I'm well aware that it will heal. You see its often the same emotion that once broke your heart that heals it.