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Sunday, March 30, 2014

What a Beautiful Mess my life is

What is it about spring that make people want to be in love? My best friend and I were chatting it up recently about thinking we were on the verge of something then watching it crumble right in front of us. Thankfully we can laugh about it at this point. Its such a beautiful mess. The hope and excitement of something new is always refreshing and I like to think I learn something from everyone I meet and in turn I like to think I'm sowing little seeds of myself in everyone's lives that I encounter.

It's so nice to have that deep rooted joy within myself that I don't just feel like my world is shattered when a relationship fails or circumstances such as getting laid off from my job. I still roll the windows down in my car, crank the radio up and sing my heart out as the sun warms my face. I still sit on my steps with a glass of sweet tea and wiggle my pink toe nails to the beat of red dirt music on a random evening. I still lie back in a tub full of overindulgent bubbles and glass of cheap wine and take in the aroma of jasmine and aloe as it softens my skin. I still turn on my best playlist, raise the windows, light my candles, and dance as I clean this little home that I share with the 2 greatest little blessings of my life. I still sit on my back deck by the fire pit and try to mimic the acoustic guitar instruction videos on YouTube until I get so frustrated I scream and throw my pick into the blueberry bushes. I still enjoy late night phone calls with my best friend as we sarcastically recap our most recent dating disasters and claim for the umpteenth time that we are done with men and vow to swear them off for a while. I still put on the long vintage silk gowns that once belonged to my great grandmother as I curl up in my bed with a good book wearing my hair piled on top of my head and reading glasses. I still twirl every time I put on a dress and pearls as I smile remembering the little ballerina in my jewelry box as a little girl.

You see joy is something you can never really lose. It's all in your perception. There will always be bad things going on and I say redundantly. This world will swallow you whole if you allow it. The thing to remember is there are just as many reasons to smile as there are to cry and its up to you what you focus on. I choose happiness. I choose to keep positive people in my life for this reason. I'm not saying I wont have bad days and random pity parties for myself. I'm simply saying that my joy outweighs those moments of weakness.