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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Primed for Greatness



Lately I’m tired from all the emotions I’ve felt. When I set out to bleed this life for all it’s worth I didn’t know what I had coming.  Through the tears, pain, joy and hardship I can’t help but smile.  Even when I’m broken I can still smile. I smile because I’m free. I’m no longer a slave to emotional and physical abuse.  I no longer have the fear of driving home each day.  I know that my home is a place where I can unwind and relax. The tension has disappeared. I do still deal with occasional drama but it passes.  I wanted to detach and no longer feel. It feels like wishful thinking to me. It’s just not in my nature to give up that easily.  I can’t let go of something until I’ve exhausted every effort in my being.  I refuse to live with the “what ifs”.  My heart has been broken so many times and each time is different. I have felt infatuation and chosen to love many times and each time is different.  I feel broken more often than not but at the same time there is wholeness to my broken heart because my spirit is not broken. My spirit refuses to die.  She is a spitfire and full of gumption.  When my heart is weary she cheers it on.  I’m never down long and I’m on to the next lesson to be learned.  When I refer to life experiences I’m not always referring to love. When I find the one then I feel that all life experiences from there on out will be shared together in the process of making memories that we will reminisce over when we are old.  I don’t understand the evil nature in people. It is the one thing that puzzles me.  I can’t fathom ever treating someone the way I have been treated in my life.  I can’t help but wonder how a person lives life with no conscious to hurt others in that capacity.  I may get my feelings hurt and have a good cry but I move on. I’m always moving because I fear becoming stagnant.  We can always improve. We can always give. We can always love. Those are endless possibilities for opportunity and growth.  I feel that all this pain I’ve felt and continue to feel is doing nothing but priming me for greatness.