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Friday, April 5, 2013


I was observing colleagues today and it was so amusing to see how people act around each other.  They are different around each person they encounter.  I'm the same no matter what.  I may reserve certain conversations for certain company but ultimately I am who I am.  I wonder why people do this? Are they trying to appear "relate-able" to each other?  Is it so far fetched that we just act like ourselves and others will still respond appropriately? If someone approaches me with an issue I don't expect them to lay down this thick southern drawl and act like a fellow Scarlett O'Hara.  I'm going to listen regardless.  I respect diversity.  It's real.  I was discussing this with a colleague.  We discussed how people are pretty much the same once you strip everything away but the person and put them in the same circumstances.  I told her that I find it hard to befriend people when I hear them being two faced and rude behind someone's back.  I will be cordial but I can't befriend someone if I don't sense integrity.  She told me I would be lonely if I didn't stop that.  She said I should befriend everyone but know how to handle them individually.  Why exhaust time and effort on a friendship that I don't respect? I believe in quality over quantity.  I'd rather have a few real and meaningful conversations than a lifetime of dealing with drama and opinions that I could care less about.  I don't suffer fools well.  We all have our vices.  Not everyone likes me.  They think that I'm a snob.  The thing is I'm extremely humble.  I try not to judge because I know nothing of people's suffering.  I just choose to not associate with people who represent things that Id rather not be affiliated with.  People say they don't care what people think but in a sense we all do.  I do however want people to understand that I look past their vices and show compassion for them as a person.  Bless your heart!  That phrase can be a blessing and a curse. We Belles use it frequently.  I have gotten to know people through out my life and some friendships I thought would last forever.  People grow and they change and not everyone progresses at the same tempo. Some people are left behind. It's just the way it is.  I do believe that people are brought into our lives for a purpose and they remain in our lives until that purpose has been resolved.  I loved my best friend for the past 10 years and recently I had to let her go.  She was stuck in this selfish mindset that she was above every man that came along in her life.  She had these ideals that must match or else she would use them and move on.  I found it disgusting over time.  I lost respect for her therefore I could not maintain a friendship with her.  Maybe I was wrong for judging her actions.  I tried to find compassion for her and look beyond it but she showed no remorse and it bothered me so bad.  I cannot use someone.  I am extremely selfless.  Selfless to the point that I am often resentful that I've never been treated the way I treat others.  I wont stop because its in my nature to take care of people.  Maybe people have tried to take care of me but I dismissed it with my independence.  I'm certain that there are other people out there that feel this way.  Ive spoken with a few.  I don't know if I'm wrong in my actions but none the less it is how I make and break friendships.