I can’t help but feel I’m on the verge of something amazing. I give my heart away only to have it rejected or broken and returned. As much pain as I feel my soul refuses to die. In order for something to thrive you have to feed it. I was in the shower this morning when I dropped to hug my knees and sob hysterically. A resolve gripped me to kill my heart by denying it love. If I just shut down and lock it up tight then I will never feel pain again. I dismissed this notion. I know that the feeling of infatuation and love is so worth the pain I feel. I can’t help but feel that every heartache only leads me closer to the one who will heal it all someday. Every time I drop my guard and let someone in they hurt me yet I keep the door unlocked. I just want to be everything to one person. I’m taking every feeling I have and associating with the source. I’ve built this man in my mind and I know he’s out there. I don’t know when, where or how he will come to me but he is looking for me right now. I’m the answer to the prayers he has offered up daily. He is the answer to mine. He has somehow felt me every time I cried hoping he would just come save me from the emptiness I feel. Maybe every time I’ve felt empty were times that he was low as well. I need for him to know that I’m here. I have the love to sustain him for a lifetime. I just hope he isn’t giving up on love either. Stay strong whoever you are. Know that wherever you are I’m praying for you. We will find each other someday. I hope.