I'm a Southern Belle...redefined. I am a dreamer. As a child I talked to the Man in the Moon. It was an outlet for my thoughts, poems, and lyrics. You are now my Man in the Moon.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
I found myself looking up the definition for "Masochist" and "Sadist" today. Do you think there are degrees of these? I mean I don't like to inflict pain on others and I don't get any sexual gratification from my own pain but I'm used to the sadness. I'm so content with it that I push people away and build walls...praying all the while that they will see through it and fight for me. Don't let me walk away. I may tell you to but don't listen. You know I don't know what I need. Obviously I'm a mess. Writing through my thoughts has taught me that. Am I alone in the way I feel? Am I not allowed to test anyone? My heart isn't for the weak. I have realized that I need someone to save me from it. I need someone to see right through me and call me on my B.S. Don't shy down from me. I need the truth. I need to be shaken. Wake me up from this fantasy I'm living in and make me face it. I don't want to turn away from love. I just want the right kind of love. I need a MAN. I need someone strong and smart enough to lead me. This is why I researched "Masochism"....I want to be submissive but so far I haven't found anyone that I respect or trust to lead me. I don't know maybe he doesn't exist but I'll never give up the search.